Tag: instant

‘Got Stuck With A Rake Of Garth Brooks Yokes If Anyone Wants Them For Cheap’, Pleads Waterford Lad

WATERFORD entrepreneur Jamie Lonergan has pleaded with anyone looking for cheap drugs over the weekend to give him a call, as he has been left stuck with over 500 Garth Brooks pills after the singer cancelled his scheduled gigs. According to the 23-year-old, the slightly speckled ecstasy tablets, bearing Brooks’ signature caricature, are only expected… Read more »

US Firms Blast Obama For ‘Magically Becoming Irish’ When It Suits Him

AMERICAN companies stationed in Ireland have today blasted US President Barack Obama for ‘Magically Becoming Irish’ when it suits him, following his latest attack on our country’s beautiful tax laws. Mr. Obama accused US firms of ‘playing the system’ in Ireland through tax inversion deals, stating it was “illegal” and “wrong” of them to avail of the tax… Read more »

Women To Spend The Evening Masturbating To 50 Shades Of Grey Trailer

The husbands and boyfriends of Ireland have been banished to the spare room this evening as the hotly anticipated trailer for erotic movie 50 Shades of Grey has been released. Several pathetic requests by partners to ‘join the fun’ were denied almost immediately. The trailer ‘dropped’ this morning via helicopter and has been called ‘sexy’,… Read more »

Israel/Palestine Conflict Enters Its 24,175th Day

News bulletins and newspaper front pages around the world continue to resemble a poorly thought out dystopian film as the Israeli and Palestinian conflict enters its 24,175th day. History experts have informed the international community that they have traced the conflict back to its origins in 1948 which involved the establishment of the state of… Read more »