Tag: instant

You Are Drunk

WWN can reveal after carrying out an extensive survey of the Irish public, chances are you are probably quite drunk right now at this very moment. It is thought that the vast majority of Irish men are currently urinating in public while Irish women look on in envious horror. A total of 15% of the… Read more »

Drunk Children Funnier, Finds Survey

INTOXICATED CHILDREN are more than 300% funnier than their sober counterparts, a new survey carried out by scientists revealed today. Toddlers as young as two years old were said to be the funniest out of a group of 600 children tested by neurological experts at Oxford University, England. Researchers divided the children into three categories:… Read more »

Fukushima Residents Go Green For Patricks Day

FINAL preparations are taking place today in Fukushima, Japan, for St. Patrick’s Day, where residents have ‘gone green’ to mark the event. Keeping with tradition — alongside the Niagara Falls, the TV tower in Berlin’s Alexanderplatz, the London Eye and Table Mountain in South Africa — Fukushima mayor, Sum Yung Guy, said locals have ‘greened… Read more »

Marching Band Members Can’t Wait For All That Sweet Ass St. Patricks Day Pussy

MUSICIANS performing with Marching bands in St. Patricks Day parades across the country are this weekend resting themselves in preparation for a deluge of horny groupies following their performances on Monday evening. Bandmasters have begun administering condoms and Vitamin B12 shots in order to help band members survive the sexual onslaught which follows the yearly… Read more »

Dog Has No Clue Where That Ball Went

“I saw him throw it like he always does, but I didn’t see it land” Ben the Chocolate Labrador barked at WWN today. The 3 year old in dog years, who lives with his owner Stephen O’Grady in Wexford, reportedly loved that yellow tennis ball dearly sleeping with it every night in his kennel. According… Read more »

Even Alan Shatter Is Surprised He’s Still Justice Minister

WWN can exclusively reveal that Minister for Justice Alan Shatter is at a loss to explain how exactly it is he has managed to remain in his current role. Following the publication of the Garda Inspectorate’s report on the penalty points scandal the vast majority of the Irish public presumed the Minister, along with Garda… Read more »