Tag: instant

USS Donald Cook Turns Back After Forgetting Missiles

“I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on,” voiced embarrassed commanding officer of the USS Donald Cook, Matt Caldwell, while rolling his eyes and slapping his forehead in disbelief, “what are the chances?” Arriving in the Mediterranean Sea yesterday afternoon, the Arleigh Burke-class guided missile destroyer departed Larnaca, Cyprus, before making a U-turn after United States Navy… Read more »

Zuckerberg Bombarded With Facebook Ads For Suits, Haircuts

FACEBOOK Tsar Mark Zuckerberg is currently suffering from repetitive strain injury in his wrist, caused by having to ceaselessly click away ads for suits, barber shops, toothpaste and anxiety pills that have cluttered up his newsfeed since his congressional hearing this week. Zuckerberg was brought in front of congress amid the fallout of the Cambridge… Read more »

Local Man To Unveil Referendum Stance Live On Facebook At 10pm Tonight

RUMOURS abound that all Irish media outlets have been mobilised in anticipation of one Waterford man unveiling of his stance on the upcoming referendum on the 8th amendment. Ian Merrigan, a notoriously narcissistic opinion-haver, had earmarked the referendum as the perfect opportunity to make news events all about himself ever since the government formally announced… Read more »

Hungover Local Striker Suprised As Anyone He Scored A Hattrick

LIAM GROTTY, striker for local Waterford sunday league team Rovers Celtic United, admitted to being as surprised as anyone that necking an unconfirmed number of pints Saturday night had no negative effect on his performance against Dunmore Celtic. The striker, described privately by teammates as ‘piss poor’, bagged himself a hattrick but admits to being… Read more »