Tag: instant

Ireland Play Denmark For 17th Time This Year

“NO, NOT those long ball fundamentalists again! They’re attacking football atheists,” cried out members of Denmark’s national team after learning that they will play familiar foes Ireland for what must be the 17th time this year alone. Threatening to strangle themselves with with high vis training bibs while a holding football cone to their manager’s… Read more »

Theresa May Asks Tory Party For Resignation Extension

TODAY was supposed to mark the day Theresa May resigned her position as leader of the Tory Party, thus sparking off a leadership race but now, despite giving ample notice, May has dramatically requested a last minute extension after she realising she hasn’t got her shit together. “I know I chose the departure date but,”… Read more »

Guinness Plunges 956785 Points On Stock Exchange

POPULAR beverage manufacturers Guinness posted an all-time record loss on the stock exchange yesterday, following leaked images of Donald Trump Jnr. and Eric Trump enjoying what appeared to be full pints of seagull droppings in a Co. Clare pub, WWN Finance can confirm. This notes the first day of unprofitability in the company’s 260 year… Read more »

LIVE UPDATES: Trump Arriving in Shannon

AMERICAN president Donald Trump is touching down at Shannon Airport this afternoon and WWN is on hand to deliver you all the most up-to-date updates we can update you with.    5:57pm Don’t forget. Doonbeg to be officially renamed ‘Donaldbeg’ in a ceremony at 7pm. All whites welcome. 5:54pm Bored US sniper on Doonbeg hotel roof now… Read more »