Tag: instant

Do You Bite Off The Chocolate First From Maltesers? You Could Be A Genius

A NEW study into sweet eating habits has found that people who carefully bite the chocolate from Maltesers first before eating the centre are four hundred times more intelligent than those who don’t, WWN can officially confirm. The research, which was carried out by 26-year-old student Jenny Shields in her shared flat, found that cracking the soft… Read more »

Stormy Daniels Upgraded To Hurricaney Daniels

ADULT superstar Stormy Daniels is reportedly continuing to pick up strength as she travels through the upper levels of the American political system, with fears growing among the Trump administration that she may shortly be upgraded to Hurricaney Daniels. Originally classified as Stormy in 2006 when she allegedly had a torrid affair with Donald Trump… Read more »

Russia Trial Bear Referees For Upcoming World Cup

AFTER a recent spate of unsavoury incidents involving the intimidation of referees, Russia has proposed an innovative solution to the cancer on football that is professional footballers. Famed for constantly diving to win penalties, cheating to gain minor advantages throughout each second of a game and having shit haircuts, footballers are potentially the only element… Read more »

WWN Guide To Being Really, Really Sorry

WELL, you’ve gone and done it now. From highly-publicised allegations of sexual impropriety to near-fatal drink-driving crashes, celebrities and well-known people need to be ready to drop a heartfelt apology as quickly as possible, to let the public know that they really, really just want everyone to forget about whatever horrible shit they’ve just done…. Read more »

Brexit Revealed To Be Performance Art

“GOTCHA” laughed Theresa May, at a special press conference today where the entire ‘Brexit’ project was revealed to be a piece of performance art, causing the entire UK to breathe a sigh of relief so great that it shifted the whole country a foot to the left. May, who has spent her entire tenure as… Read more »