Tag: instant

Loser Mother Doesn’t Breastfeed ​

DESPITE repeated calls to numerous child welfare services from concerned friends and family members, single mother Trisha Davis still hasn’t bothered breastfeeding her 6-week-old baby, even though it’s the most natural thing in the world, WWN has learned. Ms. Davis, a full-time barrister who had the child out of wedlock, cited ‘pain’ and ’60 hour weeks’ as the main reasons why… Read more »

A Guide To Faking The Male Orgasm

THE LANDSCAPE of 21st century lovemaking is in a constant state of flux, just when you’ve spent hours mastering the ‘reverse lounging lizard’, ‘the badger’s armpit’ or fellating yourself no sooner has a new position, technique or trend emerged. However, an under-researched area of sexuality and sexual expression remains ignored; the right of men to… Read more »

Local Dad Would Love Wrap Of Speed For Father’s Day

WATERFORD dad Martin Drehern has opened up to WWN about his true wish-list for Father’s Day this year, and suffice to say it lies a little to the left of the more traditional socks-and-slippers fair. “I want drugs,” said father-of-three Drehern, with authority. “And I’m not even talking about grown-up, class A drugs that a… Read more »

Are You Getting Enough Plastic In Your Diet?

A STUDY conducted by the World Wildlife Fund has revealed that people could be ingesting an astonishing 5 grams of plastic a week, such is the ubiquity of plastics in our societies. However, those seeking to partake in a balanced diet may be worried their inadvertent consumption of plastics through plastic bottles and shellfish consumption… Read more »

Ranking The Tory Leadership Candidates

IN A CROWDED field of would-be prime ministers, the candidates for the leadership of the Conservative party are struggling to get their message across to Conservative members and the wider public. Gain a better understanding of those running for Tory leader with our essential guide, in which we definitively rank the candidates: Boris Johnson His… Read more »

Average Irish Worker Earns Fuck All

NEW figures released by the CSO have confirmed that Irish workers make an average of absolutely fuck all, with almost 90% of the labour force in the country earning an estimated ‘is that fucking it?’ every month. The data also shows a rise of ‘sweet Jesus where did my wages go?’, as well as a… Read more »

Local Mother Caught In ‘Tidy Up This Mess’ Loop

EMERGENCY services were called to the home of a county Waterford family this afternoon where it is believed a 39-year-old mother of three Maggie Tynan became caught in a psychotic loop for several hours, repeatedly asking her children to tidy up their toys and clothes. Arriving on the scene, ambulance crews were met by her panicked children who… Read more »