Tag: instant

WWN Guide To The Perfect Racist Graffiti

WE at WWN have noticed a sharp decline in the quality of the racist graffiti that we encounter around town on a daily basis, most of it is crudely scrawled, barely legible and in many instances makes no sense whatsoever. If you really feel that strongly about living in a multicultural society and you feel… Read more »

It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

Another commanding performance from Russia has left pundits who claimed they were rubbish with egg on their faces and fans with the gnawing feeling that ‘fuck, Putin is fixing the World Cup, isn’t he?’ The early kick off between Colombia and Japan continued a trend of upsets as Japan triumphed 2-1 after Colombian defender Sanchez… Read more »

Chickpea Shortage Feared As Chickens Lay Fewer Peas

RETAILERS are reporting a large decrease in chickpea stocks around the world as chickens are laying fewer peas, sparking an increase in both demand and the price of chickpeas. Chickpea or the ‘Egyptian pea’ is a legume of the family Fabaceae and was named so due to the chickens from that area often laying small circular legume in… Read more »

Cow Just Going To Dry Hump Other Cow For A While

CARLOW bullock 09655 is to spend the most of today rambling around in his field, eating grass, and occasionally mounting and grinding the other cattle in the field for no apparent purpose. “Ah look, it passes the time doesn’t it?” sighed the beef stock yearling, nonchalantly dry humping a passing Charolais. “It’s not a sex… Read more »

Urgent Appeal Launched For Two More Lads For Astro On Friday

AN urgent appeal has been launched by three Waterford men, who have found themselves ‘struggling for numbers’ ahead of this Friday’s must-attend Astroturf 5-a-side kickaround and drinking session. The call went out on Twitter yesterday evening as Derek Wilson, Paul Canning and Sean Hanlon issued tweets from their personal accounts urging anyone with information about… Read more »

It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

IT was a disappointing day for fans of laughing uncontrollably at the misfortunes of the English football team as Harry Kane’s late winner helped his team get off to a winning start. Those concerned that the lack of a colossal fuck from England could bring an end to the merciless mocking of the English media’s… Read more »

Earth Unravels Overnight Leaving It Flat

US SPACE Agency NASA has confirmed that an unknown gravitational pull has somehow unravelled the earth overnight, leaving it flat. Hundreds of thousands of orbiting satellites reported system failures at approximately 3.37am GMT Monday morning leaving them floating helplessly in space with no defined orbit to circle as the earth became longer than it is high. “It… Read more »