Tag: instant

Irish Off-licence Shelves Empty As Preparations For Hurricane Ophelia Begin

THOUSAND’S of off-licence selves were left empty this evening as Hurricane Ophelia makes its way towards Irish shores while its citizens scramble for beer. “Many people have been left without cans and have resorted to begging outside shops,” said local emergency crew member Gerry Harte, “off-licence proprietors are urging customers not to bother travelling to the premises as they are all out of… Read more »

WWN Guide To ‘Self-Actualising’

ON THE journey to contentment there are many pit stops, detours, U-turns, roundabouts and dual carriageways with random potholes you first complained to the local council about 5 years ago. However, there is nothing to fear, for it is all about that journey and not the destination itself. Yet, we must try to achieve the… Read more »

Hurricane Ophelia Set To Renovate Cork

THERE was good news for the city of Cork today after the oncoming Hurricane Ophelia swept across the Atlantic on a direct collision course with the south west of Ireland, promising a much-needed spring clean for the official capital city of Ireland. Currently rated as a class 2 hurricane, the tail-end of Ophelia is expected… Read more »

Trump Declares [Insert Horrible Shit Here]

US PRESIDENT Donald Trump has angered [minority] groups across America today, after announcing [fundamentally unsound and outright counterproductive policy which flies in the face of reason and common sense] today. Trump issued the statement via a number of tweets today, which stated that [140-character stream of conciosusness containing questionable grammar and petty, snide remarks taking potshots… Read more »