Tag: instant

We Preview Ireland V Georgia

AFTER a disappointing performance against European footballing powerhouse, Gibraltar, Mick McCarthy’s first home game in charge since making his return to Ireland has taken on added importance. WWN Sport previews this crunch Euro 2020 game against Georgia below: Mick McCarthy could resign and be appointed Executive Vice Manager of Ireland if Georgia hammer Ireland, the… Read more »

“There Was No Collusion, We’re Really Just That Stupid” Confirm Americans

THE American people have come forward after the seemingly inconclusive Mueller Report into interference from the Russian government in the 2016 election to stress that they didn’t need Moscow to tell them that Donald Trump was their man, they’re ‘plenty stupid enough on their own’. Based on the a summary by Attorney General Bill Barr, the long-awaited Mueller Report seems… Read more »

‘Priority’ Passengers Still Queuing Like A Pack Of Dopes

A NEW report into ‘priority’ passengers using budget airlines has found the large majority of them are still queuing like a pack of dopes, despite paying extra for their journeys. With priority queues now almost double that of non-priority queues, the report found priority passengers are most likely to stand and wait for long periods if they… Read more »

McGregor Announces UFC Retirement Ahead Of UFC Comeback

MMA’s Conor McGregor has sparked huge anticipation among fans today after he announced his retirement from the UFC, meaning a stunning comeback is due in the coming weeks or months. While speculation is rife that McGregor has retired to concentrate fully on being handed down community services by judges across America and here at home,… Read more »

John Delaney Testimonial Match Scheduled For August

THE FAI has organised a testimonial match in early August which it hopes will raise much-needed funding for former CEO John Delaney, in a bid to help him regain some financial stability following the loss of his job. Delaney stepped down as CEO of the FAI at the weekend after 15 years of tireless service… Read more »

“Nothing’s Wrong. I’m Fine” Written By Your Girlfriend

IN A landmark deal, WWN has secured an exclusive extract from your girlfriend’s latest “nothing’s wrong. I’m fine” speech which is due for release sometime this evening. Publication of the unprecedented follow up to last month’s “you’re not wearing those shoes, they’re all scuffed; it’s Sharon’s wedding” will likely take place on the couch in… Read more »

32-Year-Old Man Finally Gives Up Dream Of Playing County

WWN SPORT reluctantly reports on Waterford man Denis Cahey’s decision to officially put to bed his dream of somehow togging out for his county. Despite being heavily challenged in the fitness, talent and work ethic departments Cahey, 32, had always maintained the far-fetched notion of being called up to the senior panel to represent his… Read more »

Gang Of Polish Lads Brought In To Fix HSE

FED up with the state of the Health Service Executive, the government have turned to a crew of highly recommended Polish lads who claim the job is ‘no problem’, and should be finished up by the weekend tops. Minister For Health Simon Harris found the Polish lads through a neighbour of his who claimed there wasn’t… Read more »