Tag: health

Nurses Promised Coppers Gold Cards If Strike Averted

MINISTER for Health Simon Harris is today scrambling to avoid upcoming industrial action by the Nation’s 40,000-strong nursing staff, by offering the striking workforce a much-sought-after Coppers Gold Card each. The Gold Cards, which allow the bearer free entry into the 5-Star Copperface Jacks nightclub on Harcourt, are extremely rare and it is hoped that the… Read more »

Diets Can Only Be Started On Mondays, Study Proves ​

A WORLDWIDE study into diets and exercise routines has finally proven that starting any type of new regime on any day other than a Monday results in total and utter failure. The astounding revelation, which was discovered after a 5 year study into health fads, pointed to the start of the week as the only successful day to… Read more »

HSE Down To Last Wire Brush, Bottle Of Dettol

ANYONE currently awaiting treatment for ailments ranging from chronic piles to chronic pyorrhoea have been advised to check with their local hospital to see if their appointment has been cancelled, after the HSE admitted that cutbacks have decimated its supply of Dettol, and the one wire brush owned by the health executive is ‘fucked’. Furthermore, the… Read more »