Tag: football

Hungover Local Striker Suprised As Anyone He Scored A Hattrick

LIAM GROTTY, striker for local Waterford sunday league team Rovers Celtic United, admitted to being as surprised as anyone that necking an unconfirmed number of pints Saturday night had no negative effect on his performance against Dunmore Celtic. The striker, described privately by teammates as ‘piss poor’, bagged himself a hattrick but admits to being… Read more »

‘Don’t Approach Any Liverpool Fans Today’ Warning Issued

“LEAVE ALL WhatsApp groups containing Liverpool fans. Block every Liverpool fan on your contact list. Arrive at work wearing sound proof earmuffs. Do not make eye contact with coworkers wearing full kits to work. We repeat do not approach Liverpool fans.” Blaring from hidden speaker systems in communities up and down Britain and throughout Europe,… Read more »

Ronaldo Survives Horror Fall

THOUGHTS and prayers were sent in the direction of Real Madrid striker Christiano Ronaldo, amid fears that he may be ‘shatered to pieces’ after his reckless overhead goal against Juventus in the Champions League last night. Portuguese superstar Ronaldo is known to suffer from a rare brittle-limb condition which has lead to hundreds of instances… Read more »

Man City Stretch League Lead To 788 Points

FOLLOWING their 2-1 victory in the Manchester Derby, Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City side have stretched their lead at the top of the Premier League to an unprecedented 788 points. Defying the fact such an achievement is mathematically impossible, Guardiola’s men outclassed their city rivals after securing the transfer of Romelu Lukaku seconds before kick off…. Read more »