Tag: eu

Theresa May Will Be In The Pub If Anyone Needs Her

BRITISH prime minister Theresa May has downed tools for the day, strode out of number 10 Downing Street and headed in the direction of the nearest pub, leaving strict instructions to only be contacted if “something like 9/11 kicks off again”. The PM’s decision to “go on a mad one” comes after an EU report… Read more »

Brexit Revealed To Be Performance Art

“GOTCHA” laughed Theresa May, at a special press conference today where the entire ‘Brexit’ project was revealed to be a piece of performance art, causing the entire UK to breathe a sigh of relief so great that it shifted the whole country a foot to the left. May, who has spent her entire tenure as… Read more »

Russians Guilty Until Proven Guilty

THE international community has agreed to adopt a ‘guilty until proven guilty’ stance towards Russia in relation to the nerve-agent poisoning of a former spy in Britain, following a deliberation that lasted as long as it took to say ‘well of course they fucking did it’. The Russian government, who have previously stated in no… Read more »

Tories Defeat Themselves In Commons Brexit Vote

BRAVELY FENDING off their sworn enemies, the democracy hating Tories have vanquished their sternest foe, democracy hating Tories, by democratically voting to ensure the final Brexit deal between Britain and the EU must be voted on and approved by parliament. After emerging soberly yesterday morning from a night spent with unopened beer cans in a… Read more »

“The Famine Never Happened”

SKY NEWS ‘journalist’ Adam Boulton has sensationally doubled down on his anti-Irish comments by declaring the Famine, a genocide inflicted on the Irish populace by England, never actually happened. Not content with uttering his vitriolic declaration of hate against Irish people in the form a tweet which was brought to your attention by the Irish… Read more »

“It Would Only Cost £3bn To Sink Northern Ireland Into The Sea” May Casually Tells Cabinet

THERESA May’s Brexit strategy is said to have taken a new course after being left in disarray yesterday following the dramatic accusation from Taoiseach Leo Varadkar that May reneged on an agreement that would have ended the deadlock in the talks. Under pressure to get an agreement from the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) on the… Read more »