Tag: dup

Varadkar Just Fucking With DUP These Days

A PRESS release by Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has confirmed what many had already believed; that the Fine Gael leader is just ‘fucking around’ with Arlene Foster and the DUP at this stage, just to see the look on their faces change. The announcement comes following Varadkar’s decision to open this year’s Feile An Phobail festival,… Read more »

Stormont To Start Letting Rooms Out On Airbnb

KEEN to avoid any accusations that they’re wasting public resources, the remaining shards of the Northern Assembly have put a number of rooms in Stormont up on accommodation-sharing website Airbnb, in a bid to ‘make a few quid’. With the vast majority of the rooms in the east Belfast castle lying idle since the collapse… Read more »

“I Fucking Hated Irish My Whole Life, But I’m Fucked If The DUP Are Taking It Away”

“IF those bastards think they’re taking away the language that got me into more trouble in school than anything else, then they’ve another thing coming,” was the general consensus of every red-blooded Irishman in Ireland today, still seething at the collapse of talks between Sinn Féin and the DUP in Stormont last week. “I may curse… Read more »

Fucking Wagon

A CROSS COMMUNITY poll conducted in Northern Ireland in the wake of the collapsed Stormont talks has returned a 100% vote of ‘fucking wagon’ placed beneath a picture of DUP leader Arlene Foster, despite a polling company not providing such a possible answer, WWN can reveal. With stumbling blocks in tense talks including an Irish… Read more »

May To Install Direct Rule On Northern Ireland Once She Figures Out What That Means

BRITISH PRIME MINISTER Theresa May is set to confirm that after Stormont talks ended in failure, Northern Ireland will be placed under direct rule once May and her cabinet of ministers can figure out what that means. Drafting in the leading Conservative Party experts on Britain, the British government, British history, Northern Ireland and the… Read more »

Fresh Round Of Stormont Talks Kick Off For The Craic

MEMBERS from both sides of the Northern political divide are to reconvene in Stormont today for a fresh round of sitting around, playing on phones, passing notes, making snide remarks about each other, and generally killing time before they can go back home again. Almost a year has passed since the collapse of the Northern… Read more »