Tag: alcohol

No Safe Level Of Alcohol, Claims Some Bullshit Study

A NEW study probably carried out by Americans who can’t drink for shit anyway has claimed that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption and that 2.8 million people die every year from drink related diseases. The fucking stupid report, which obviously didn’t read about all the other cool studies that say alcohol is… Read more »

Heavy Drinkers Evolve To Grow Second, Spare Liver

IRISH doctors have heralded the evolution of some test subjects who have grown a second liver to compensate for their heavy drinking which was previously wreaking havoc on their bodies, WWN has learned. With 3 alcohol related deaths occurring in Ireland everyday, some heavy drinkers have accelerated the rate of their physiological evolution to grow… Read more »

“Stop Offering Solutions & Just Let Us Drink Drive”

A GOVERNMENT scheme which will see 50 bus routes operate across 19 counties during the evenings has been lambasted as nothing short of an ‘attempt to trial a solution to rural isolation and an end to drink driving’ by irate Kerry TD Michael Healy Rae, who expressed further anger at what was a blatant attempt… Read more »

Post Paddy’s Day Come Down Expected To Last The Rest Of The Week

Students, young professionals, unemployed people, children and the homeless are said to be fairly fucking bolloxed after partaking in a thoroughly enjoyable St. Patrick’s weekend, culminating yesterday with the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. Productivity throughout the country is verging on the comically low as everyone halfheartedly pretends they are going to put the effort… Read more »

Pub Sees .00034% Drop In Business As Lent Begins

The struggling pub trade has been served yet another blow following news that with the commencement of Lent the Up In Arms Inn has suffered a .00034% drop in business. WWN spoke with owner and proprietor of the Up In Arms Inn Colm O’Sullivan about this latest worrying news. “Ah, look it, I knew it… Read more »