Tag: alcohol

New Drink Driving Lanes Proposed In Ireland

A NEW bill which will allocate a dedicated drink driving lane on all primary and secondary roads around the country is expected to be passed in the Dáil tomorrow afternoon, WWN can confirm. The segregated lane will feature sophisticated crash barriers that absorb high speed impacts, allowing intoxicated motorists willing to take their own lives into their hands to drive separately from sober lanes without… Read more »

Local Man Knows How He Gets After A Few Pints

WATERFORD man Ian O’Cahill doesn’t need his wife Helen to remind him about ‘how he gets after a few pints’ every single time he leaves to go to the pub, because he knows how he gets after a few pints; he gets awesome. “I’ve been drinking for 20 straight years” said O’Cahill, 32. “I know… Read more »

No Safe Level Of Alcohol, Claims Some Bullshit Study

A NEW study probably carried out by Americans who can’t drink for shit anyway has claimed that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption and that 2.8 million people die every year from drink related diseases. The fucking stupid report, which obviously didn’t read about all the other cool studies that say alcohol is… Read more »

Heavy Drinkers Evolve To Grow Second, Spare Liver

IRISH doctors have heralded the evolution of some test subjects who have grown a second liver to compensate for their heavy drinking which was previously wreaking havoc on their bodies, WWN has learned. With 3 alcohol related deaths occurring in Ireland everyday, some heavy drinkers have accelerated the rate of their physiological evolution to grow… Read more »

“Stop Offering Solutions & Just Let Us Drink Drive”

A GOVERNMENT scheme which will see 50 bus routes operate across 19 counties during the evenings has been lambasted as nothing short of an ‘attempt to trial a solution to rural isolation and an end to drink driving’ by irate Kerry TD Michael Healy Rae, who expressed further anger at what was a blatant attempt… Read more »