Category: WORLD NEWS

Syrian Rebels Left Feeling ‘Violated’ After Last Nights Miley Cyrus Performance

SYRIAN REBELS said they were left ‘violated’ today following the broadcasting of Miley Cyrus’ explicit display of tongue-wagging, twerking and grinding at the MTV music awards last night. Thousands of freedom fighters have called for a temporary cease fire following the shocking performance. Reports from the middle eastern country said that bombing and gunfire were replaced… Read more »

Russia Deny Claims World Championships Look FAB-U-LOUS!

RUSSIAN PREMIER Vladimir Putin has stoutly rejected claims that despite every effort to suppress so-called ‘homosexual propaganda’, the 2014 World Championships have actually turned out to be a flamboyant and excessive display that bares all the hallmarks of being organised by members of the gay community. In an exclusive interview with WWN’s roving reporter and… Read more »

America Vows To Side With Eventual Winner Of Egyptian Conflict

THE LEADER of the Free World’ US President Barack Obama has read words from a carefully drafted statement in response to the reported slaughter of hundreds of Egyptian citizens. Appalled by the images being relayed by international media outlets, President Obama has gone as far as to sit on a meticulously constructed fence which gives… Read more »

Queen: “I Hope It’s Not Another Ginger”

QUEEN ELIZABETH II said today that she hoped the royal baby would not turn out ginger, like its embarrassing uncle Harry, in what has been called one of her outspoken comments to date. The Head of the Commonwealth made the statement in reply to a question from a reporter while on a series of engagements in the Lake… Read more »

‘Snowden Keeps Bumming Fags Off People’, Claim Russian Airport Officials

MOSCOW AIRPORT officials have claimed today that whistle-blower, Edward Snowden, keeps ‘bumming fags’ off people, and it’s starting to become a little bit annoying now. The former National Security Agency employee who exposed the US’ surveillance programmes, is said to be constantly harassing passengers travelling from the terminal area of Russia’s busiest airport. “He’s relentless.” said… Read more »

US To Arm Entire Planet With Weapons By 2015 In New Terrorism Crackdown

THE UNITED STATES of America announced its intention today to arm the entire population of the earth with automatic weapons by 2015. President Barack Obama has decided to authorise lethal aid to everyone without out a gun to defend themselves against terrorist with guns. Operation ‘Fight firearm with firearm’ will be rolled out immediately across the world… Read more »

Commander Chris Hadfield Not So Cool Without Zero Gravity

INTERNATIONAL SPACE Station commander Chris Hadfield is said to be ‘not so cool’ now that he’s in the earth’s gravitational field, fans of the astronaut admitted today. The 53-year-old Canadian, who arrived back to earth after a 5 month stay on the ISS last month, is reported to be just doing every day normal things,… Read more »