Category: WORLD NEWS

Obama Challenges North Korean Leader To ‘Whip It Out’

AMERICAN PRESIDENT Barack Obama today challenged North Korean leader Kim Jong Un to ‘whip it out’ in a bid to put an end to their feud by a public display of manhood. In a 30 minute speech aired live from the oval office in the white house, Mr. Obama called out the 30 year old on the size of his… Read more »

‘North Korea Becoming Increasingly Hilarious’ Warns American Defense Secretary

US DEFENSE Secretary Leon Panetta warned today that North Korea is becoming increasingly hilarious and represented a substantial threat to the seriousness of global conflict. The comment came following news that the Democratic People’s Republic threatened the United States with a preemptive nuclear strike earlier. “They are making a mockery out of cold wars!” said Mr. Panetta. “Threatening the… Read more »

‘Humble’ Pope Francis Still Insists On Wiping Own Arse, Reveals Vatican Arse Wiper

THE VATICAN’S chief toilet attendant revealed today that newly appointed Pope Francis the first still insists on wiping his own arse after using the lavatory. Cardinal Rodrigo Gonzalez believes the papal refusal for assisted anus cleansing is an early sign that times at the Roman Catholic Church may be changing. “The Holy Father stopped me midway insisting I leave… Read more »

Outsourced Chinese Worker Also Admits To Outsourcing Job

THE CHINESE worker at the centre of a US outsourcing scandal has also admitted today that he too has outsourced the job — to a software developer in India. The news comes just one day after a software developer known only as “Bob”, was fired for outsourcing his duties to the Chinese man so that he… Read more »

Tumour Expected To Leave Hospital After Margaret Thatcher Removal

A MALIGNANT tumour is expected to leave hospital later today after a successful removal of a Margaret Thatcher, sources said last night. The four-month-old growth was admitted last week to have the operation. Doctors said the tumour was doing well and should be fit to leave hospital shortly after lunch time to “convalesce privately.” Tests will now be carried… Read more »

Santa Shot Down Inside Syrian Airspace

U.S. INTELLIGENCE has confirmed this evening that Santa Claus was shot down at 16:09 GMT by by Syrian forces while flying inside Syrian airspace, American officials have said. The CIA said the unarmed sleigh registered to one Mr. Claus was not delivering arms to Syrian rebels, but was actually delivering Christmas presents to children at… Read more »

Tearful US Attack Drone ‘Elated’ Over Obama Victory

A TEARFUL United States attack drone stationed in Afghanistan said it was ‘elated’ today over the news of president Obama’s re-election victory. S-3476 said it stayed up all night to watch the live coverage of the ‘nail-biting’ voting count and expressed deep emotion throughout the event. “Me and the guys were all glued to a… Read more »

Foreign Plane Crash Way More Devastating Now With British Passengers On-board

A FOREIGN plane crash is way more devastating now that there was British passengers on-board, it was reported today. What would have been a simple Nepali light aircraft crash has now spiralled into a full scale air disaster following news of the seven dead tourists. The British trekkers were believed to be travelling to the foothills of Mount Everest at the time… Read more »

Fears Of Protest Grows As Irish Newspaper Prints Name ‘Mohammad’ In Comic Sans Font

BILLIONS of Irish immigrants abroad are now facing a massive backlash from their Muslim counterparts after the newspaper ‘The Irish Daily Celestial Body’ claimed it ‘accidentally’ printed the name of ‘Mohammad’ in a Comic Sans font today. Ironically the headline in the daily tabloid that read ‘Idiot French Print Another Mohammed Cartoon’ was meant to favour the islamic… Read more »