Category: WORLD NEWS

Post Paddy’s Day Come Down Expected To Last The Rest Of The Week

Students, young professionals, unemployed people, children and the homeless are said to be fairly fucking bolloxed after partaking in a thoroughly enjoyable St. Patrick’s weekend, culminating yesterday with the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. Productivity throughout the country is verging on the comically low as everyone halfheartedly pretends they are going to put the effort… Read more »

Rest Of Ukraine Pretending They’re Homosexual

FOLLOWING CRIMEA’S electoral decision to join Russia, Ukraine’s leaders have called on its population to pretend they’re homosexual for a while. The calls for gay came after 93% of the Crimean population voted against rule by the current Ukrainian government, in what the west has called an ‘illegal Poll’. Since news of the mutiny, thousands… Read more »

Fukushima Residents Go Green For Patricks Day

FINAL preparations are taking place today in Fukushima, Japan, for St. Patrick’s Day, where residents have ‘gone green’ to mark the event. Keeping with tradition — alongside the Niagara Falls, the TV tower in Berlin’s Alexanderplatz, the London Eye and Table Mountain in South Africa — Fukushima mayor, Sum Yung Guy, said locals have ‘greened… Read more »

JJ Abrams to Assist Malaysian Airline Authorities With ‘Lost’ Flight MH370

DIRECTOR JJ Abrams has agreed to assist Malaysian airline authorities in their search for missing flight MH370. Following days of investigations leading nowhere, the 47-year-old flew into the capital Kuala Lumpur earlier this morning to aid in the search. “We have already exhausted our resources.” stated lead investigator Azharuddin Abdul Rahman. “Due to Mr. Abrams… Read more »