Category: WORLD NEWS

God Banned From Hanging Around Schools

A HIGH Court ruling has implemented a ban on the creator of the universe, God, after a series of public complaints claimed the 4.5 billion-year-old was loitering around the majority of schools in the country. In the ruling this morning, Judge Peter Kelly ordered the Almighty to stay at least 1,000 meters away from all primary and… Read more »

Netanyahu Going To Bomb Someone If It Kills Him

IRASCIBLE Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu is itchin’ to do some bombin’ according to sources, with reports coming in that if he doesn’t bomb Iran soon, he’ll ‘do the fucking bop altogether’. Keeping a low profile after international condemnation for an assault on Palestinian protestors last month, the Israeli premier turned his attention to Iran with… Read more »

Man Sues Spotify After It Adds Justin Bieber To His Discover Weekly Playlist

AN IRISHMAN is to take a landmark case against music streaming service Spotify after its Discover Weekly Playlist feature, which suggests new music based on your streams and music library, added not one but two Justin Bieber songs. Citing ‘undue audible harm’ and ‘psychological and emotional damage’ 28-year-old Cormac Lannings has said he is suing… Read more »

Prison To Allow Cosby Wear Orange Sweater

FOLLOWING a rare misstep in the justice system which has lead to a rich and powerful man paying for his crimes, disgraced former entertainer Bill Cosby was found guilty of drugging and molesting a woman in 2004. In a bid to make the possible 15-30 year sentence he could now serve in prison a little… Read more »

Hundreds Of Thousands Camp Out Overnight For WWN Live Show Tickets

HUNDREDS of thousands of news fans braved cold temperatures overnight to secure their tickets for what is expected to be the greatest and most intelligent live stage show of the world has ever seen. Queues spanning up to four kilometers began building outside Ticketmaster outlets across the country from last week, with desperate fans setting up their camping gear… Read more »