Category: WORLD NEWS

No Safe Level Of Alcohol, Claims Some Bullshit Study

A NEW study probably carried out by Americans who can’t drink for shit anyway has claimed that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption and that 2.8 million people die every year from drink related diseases. The fucking stupid report, which obviously didn’t read about all the other cool studies that say alcohol is… Read more »

Irate Saudi King Rings US Bombmaker Helpline As ‘Bombs Not Bombing Enough’

CALL CENTRE staff at US bomb manufacturer Lockheed Martin were left red faced today after receiving an irate call from King Salman of Saudi Arabia, WWN can confirm. The monarch, who serves as the head of state and head of government, slammed customer service representatives over a bad batch of GBU-12 Paveway IIs, which recently made the news for obliterating 40 Yemeni boys… Read more »

Australian Archbishop Who Covered Up Child Sex Abuse Sentenced To 44 Our Fathers, 12 Hail Marys

A FORMER Australian archbishop has been handed down a staggering 24 Our Fathers and 5 Hail Marys after being convicted of covering up child sex abuse, but managed to escape several decades of the rosary due to his age. A Newcastle Magistrate ordered Adelaide Archbishop Philip Wilson to be detained at his sister’s house for at least six months,… Read more »

Apple Billionaire Granny Smith Dies, Age 91

Granny Smith, the famed Apple magnate whose fortune is valued at €193 billion has died at the age of 91. Georgia Smith was of course more affectionately known as Granny Smith by the rivals she ruthlessly wiped out in the incredibly bloody ‘Apple Wars’ feud of the 1950s. Her resulting victory in the conflict carved… Read more »

‘Grossly Unfair’ For British Soldiers Who Murdered People, To Face Charges For Murder

SENIOR BRITISH military officials past and present have come forward once again to confirm that it would be just terribly unfair altogether if any British soldiers, who murdered 14 innocent civilians in the 1972 Bloody Sunday massacre, were to be held to account and face charges ranging from ‘murder’ all the way up to ‘murder’…. Read more »

Waterford Whispers News Live Show

Waterford Whispers News is dedicated to bringing you, the public, all the essential news and having discovered injecting the news directly into your veins is illegal (thanks health and safety laws) we will instead deliver it to your eyes and ears in a live setting. Get news’d in the face at the following venues with… Read more »

Trump & Putin Recouple On Love Island

A STUNNING twist in popular dating reality TV show Love Island has seen two contestants choosing to recouple with one another, shocking millions of viewers who watched on in the grips of a befuddling horror as the process took place live on TV. The recoupling process sees contestants choose who they most see a lasting… Read more »