Category: WORLD NEWS

Whales Have Had Enough Of This Shit

THE whale community is said to be in a state of mourning today after 400 pilot whales took to a New Zealand shoreline to beach themselves in one of the biggest mass suicide pacts in marine history. More than 500 rescuers desperately tried to negotiate with the mammals, but 250 have died already with the… Read more »

Donald Trump Tells Fellow Patients He Is Definitely President Of America

DRESSED in a backless hospital gown that exposed his buttocks, self-confessed President of America Donald Trump regaled fellow patients of an upstate New York mental institution with tales of pending policy decisions and obstinate ‘losers’ who were blocking the country’s progress. “This is what is wrong with America. The president shouldn’t be banned for banning… Read more »

Man Actually Believes Girlfriend When She Says She Doesn’t Think About Jamie Dornan During Sex

A WATERFORD woman has done the impossible and convinced her boyfriend of 7 years that she does not retreat into fantasies of being ravaged by Jamie Dornan while they engage in intercourse, WWN has learned. Lismore local Rachel Healy confirmed to her partner David Griffin that the broad shoulders, flawless face and puddle-inducing abs of… Read more »

Nestlé Unveil New Milky Bar Kid

THE Milky Bars are on Amir Abdelraham, the 10-year-old London boy recently announced as the new mascot for the popular chocolate treat from Nestlé. Amir beat off stiff competition from hundreds of other hopefuls over weeks of auditions to grab the role of ‘the Milky Bar kid’, the popular figurehead of Milky Bar bars and… Read more »