THERE were exciting scenes in NASA this morning after the Hubble telescope beamed back images of the largest mass in the known universe, your Mam. Technicians worked tirelessly for years to align the space observatory to the correct calibration required to truly take in the scope of your Ma, which required teams blasting off from… Read more »
WELCOME to the wonderfully irritable world of the working week. That bastard of a week that seems like it’ll never end and the sense that this bad mood you’ve found yourself in won’t be helped in any way by Tom in accounts and his inability to chew his fucking apple at a level quieter than… Read more »
REPORTS emanating from the Vatican this morning contrast greatly with the official accounts of US President Donald Trump’s first meeting with Pope Francis, WWN can confirm. The first meeting between the two leaders had been much anticipated after the Pope decried the toxic messages Trump shared on his presidential campaign, solidified by Republican budget proposals… Read more »
KEEN to honour the contribution she has made to the fresh recruitment drive currently undertaken by ISIS, the heinous and reprehensible terror group has awarded Katie Hopkins with their coveted ‘top recruiter of the month award’, WWN can reveal. As Manchester and the world sought comfort in one another as they reached out in an… Read more »
A HUNT is going on for the First Lady of the United States Melania Trump, after she absconded from a presidential tour of the Middle East that she was on with her husband Donald. Mrs. Trump, spotted swatting away her husband’s hand in a telling video of them walking off Air Force One which then… Read more »
THE Department of Finance has dismissed as ‘nonsense’ a report which suggests that the Fidget Spinner boom could be nearing its end, which could bring about a catastrophic knock-on effect to the Irish economy the likes of which would make the property crash look like dropping a euro while running for a bus. Although Fidget… Read more »
A VISIONARY TEMPLATE for peace in the Middle East was unveiled by US President Donald Trump moments after he arrived in Israel as part of his tour of the region, WWN can reveal. Seeking a triumphant agreement where countless others had failed, Trump responded to questions from the media on just what it would take… Read more »
HOLLYWOOD legend Liam Neeson has officially confirmed that after a spate of action movies he has fully committed to the ‘I don’t give a shit anymore’ phase of his career. Neeson is going down a similar path to other acting legends such as Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Al Pacino and hundreds of… Read more »
PRINCE Harry has reportedly asked the Queen if his girlfriend, Meghan Markle, can have some free money too, sources inside Buckingham Palace confirmed earlier today. Ever since news came to light that Prince Harry was dating the Suits actress, British taxpayers have been wondering when the next expense will kick in, with some speculating a Royal wedding date… Read more »
ASTONISHINGLY, uttering the phrase ‘grab her by the pussy’ which condoned the sexual assault of women, now barely ranks inside the top 5,000 worst things the President of the United States, Donald Trump, has said or done, following a whirlwind 48 hours of colossal stupidity. Supplanting the 4,565 awful things that came before the last… Read more »