Category: WORLD NEWS

Local Man No Idea Where He Was During 9/11

ESCHEWING the recollections much of the western world shares regarding the September 11th attacks in New York in 2001, local man Richie Loughlan can’t for the life of him recall where he was when the horrifying terror attack occurred. “No, nothing, Sorry, mind’s blank. College up in Galway? No, that was 2002,” explained Loughlan, who… Read more »

Eminem Still So Angry

IT is our solemn duty to inform the public that despite decades of wealth, the rap artist born Marshall Bruce Mathers III, also known as Slim Shady, also known as Eminem, is still to this day completely and utterly gosh-darn ticked off at everything. This week the Detroit-born rapper released Kamikaze, his first studio album… Read more »

Zero Irish Historians Scrambling To Find Donald Trump Ancestry Link

BREAKING away from the regular fawning over US presidents, Irish historians and researchers have decided to simply not bother looking for an ancestral link for Donald Trump’s family to Ireland, for fear it might tarnish the nation’s reputation. Previously linking African American president Barack Obama to a distant relative in Moneygall, Offaly, Irish historian Kevin Ryan said… Read more »

Amazon Purchases Guatemala To Use For Storage

INTERNET commerce giant Amazon Inc has acquired Guatemala, the now former Central American republic, with the purchase being fueled by Amazon’s need for storage space for the goods it sells as profits at the company continue to soar. The Jeff Bezos owned company made an unsolicited bid for the country which was accepted by the… Read more »

No Safe Level Of Alcohol, Claims Some Bullshit Study

A NEW study probably carried out by Americans who can’t drink for shit anyway has claimed that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption and that 2.8 million people die every year from drink related diseases. The fucking stupid report, which obviously didn’t read about all the other cool studies that say alcohol is… Read more »

Irate Saudi King Rings US Bombmaker Helpline As ‘Bombs Not Bombing Enough’

CALL CENTRE staff at US bomb manufacturer Lockheed Martin were left red faced today after receiving an irate call from King Salman of Saudi Arabia, WWN can confirm. The monarch, who serves as the head of state and head of government, slammed customer service representatives over a bad batch of GBU-12 Paveway IIs, which recently made the news for obliterating 40 Yemeni boys… Read more »