Category: WORLD NEWS

“If It Was Us, He’d Be Dead”

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin has broken his silence today following a nerve agent attack on former Russian spy and double agent Sergei Skripal and his daughter, Yulia, pointing to the fact that Russia would not have messed up the assassination attempt. “I find it insulting that the international community would even suggest that we would have failed to… Read more »

Nazi Pug Flees To South America

REPORTS are pouring in regarding sightings in South America of Buddha the pug dog, widely regarded as one of the most hated Nazis of all time following the leak of anti-semitic video footage taken of the animal in a range of offensive poses. Shaky phone footage of a pug dog matching Buddha’s description has been posted… Read more »

500 Million Red Bulls Slaughtered Annually To Make Popular Energy Drink

ANIMAL rights activists have called on the world’s largest energy drink manufacturers to stop the annual slaughter of 500 million red bulls, urging them to substitute the animals liquidised genitalia for another ingredient instead. “It takes 12 pairs of fully grown red bull testicles to make 100 cans of the energy drink,” a spokesperson for PETA explained, “this is such… Read more »

Russians Guilty Until Proven Guilty

THE international community has agreed to adopt a ‘guilty until proven guilty’ stance towards Russia in relation to the nerve-agent poisoning of a former spy in Britain, following a deliberation that lasted as long as it took to say ‘well of course they fucking did it’. The Russian government, who have previously stated in no… Read more »

Outrage As Day Passes Without Outrage

THE internet has exploded in anger following 24 full hours of scandal-free peace, with everyone from angry teenage boys to grandmother’s in their 40s taking to their keyboards to vent their frustration at spending a whole day with nothing to vent their frustrations over. As both the source of the majority of the world’s outrage… Read more »

“Here’s Some Settings, Now Fuck Off”

FACEBOOK CEO Mark Zuckerberg has responded to the data breach controversy involving Cambridge Analytica yesterday by introducing some new settings, before telling users to cop on to themselves. “What the actual fuck do you think we were doing with all that information?” Zuckerberg began in his latest status update, “did adverts about items you were… Read more »

Trump Makes Congratulations Card For Putin All By Himself

DESPITE pleas from his closest advisors, his family, his friends, his political allies, and the Russian government itself, US president Donald Trump has pressed ahead and constructed a ‘congratulations’ card for Vladimir Putin, who was elected for another term as president at the weekend. The card, constructed from the back of a cereal box that Trump… Read more »