Category: WORLD NEWS

Stop Calling Scandals ‘Something-Gate’ Media Told

THE MEDIA has been instructed to refrain from attaching the ‘gate’ suffix to all and any major or minor incidents, be they political in nature or not, as the general public has confirmed it is growing sick and tired of it. “Boris Johnston trips on a step outside an EU meeting and it’s Trip-Up-On-Step-Outside-EU-Meeting-Gate… fuck… Read more »

NASA To Confirm That Space Is Really Fucking Big

The National Aeronautics And Space Administration has issued its annual statement in which it confirms that space is, was, and continues to be head-scratchingly massive to the extent that they don’t even know what the fuck they’re looking at any more. Senior spokespeople for NASA assured astronomy enthusiasts worldwide that space is ‘so big it’ll… Read more »

Putting Pencils Between Your Knuckles & Pretending To Be Wolverine ‘Perfectly Acceptable’, Finds Study

A RECENT study has revealed that pretending to be the popular Marvel character ‘Wolverine’ by putting three pens, three pencils, three knives from the drawer or indeed three of anything between your knuckles is a perfectly normal, everyday part of being a human person. Wolverine, the tortured ex-special forces mutant featured in the X-Men series… Read more »

World War III To Be Fought Solely On Twitter

AS the world has entered a period of nuclear uncertainty not seen since the days of the Cold War, fears are growing that the declaration of World War III could lead to the decimation of the Earth’s population in a swift but decisive nuclear fire, scorching billions to death in the blink of an eye… Read more »

World Gonna Try Not Paying Attention To Trump For A Week

THE world has come together this morning to make the challenging but perfectly understandable decision to ignore US President Donald Trump for the week, favouring to just get on with their lives, WWN has learned. Growing increasingly irritated by the mere mention of the billionaire turned reality TV star turned sexual assault advocate turned politician,… Read more »

“How About I Rant For An Hour To Distract You All From How Much I’m Fucking This Up?”

OPENING his rip-roaring 77-minute speech that would provide endless headlines, US President Donald Trump asked the media “how about I rant for an hour to distract you all from how much I’m fucking this up?” before launching into a lengthy tirade against everything. With cameras rolling as journalists eagerly jotted down every word he uttered,… Read more »

Melania Trump Blinks The Word ‘Help’ In Morse Code

EXPERTS in Morse code are claiming the American first lady, Melania Trump, blinked the letters ‘H.E.L.P.’ during her first official appearance as First Lady at the White House on Wednesday to welcome Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and his wife Sara. Standing outside the South Portico of the White House with husband, President Donald Trump, the 46-year-old… Read more »