Category: WORLD NEWS

Brexit Negotiations Progress Significantly As Boris Has Mouth Sewn Shut

THE EU has heralded the progress made in Brexit negotiations in the hours following Britain’s decision to sew Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson’s mouth shut, limiting his ability to broadcast ridiculous statements. “We cannot overstate the progress that has been made, truly, this is a watershed moment in the negotiations,” confirmed the EU’s lead negotiator Michel… Read more »

300 Million American Gun Owners Stood By And Did Nothing To Stop Florida Shooting, Finds Report

A RECENTLY published report into the latest school shooting in Florida has found as many as 300,000,000 registered gun owners in America did absolutely nothing to stop a former student fatally shooting 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, WWN can confirm. A week after one of the deadliest mass shootings in modern… Read more »

Stormont To Start Letting Rooms Out On Airbnb

KEEN to avoid any accusations that they’re wasting public resources, the remaining shards of the Northern Assembly have put a number of rooms in Stormont up on accommodation-sharing website Airbnb, in a bid to ‘make a few quid’. With the vast majority of the rooms in the east Belfast castle lying idle since the collapse… Read more »

Trump Note Includes Instructions To Not Grab Any Pussies

CLOSER inspection of a note spotted in the hands of President Donald Trump at a discussion about the Parkland school shooting has revealed a number of notes and guidelines seemingly written by POTUS himself, including ‘don’t mention grabbing pussies’, ‘try steer things back to the stock market’, and ‘blame violence on Schwartchennegger [sic] movies’. As he… Read more »

Meghan Markle Kisses Old Life Goodbye With Traditional Family Execution

SHUDDERING with every gunshot from the Royal guard’s 19th century muskets, soon-to-be princess Meghan Markle watched on as lead pummeled through the bodies of her once immediate family, gasping at every blood curdling thud. “Please don’t be worried, sweetie, we’re doing this for you,” father Tom smiles, his water-filled eyes winsing as his guard took aim, “best not watch now, go on,… Read more »