Category: WORLD NEWS

2017 Behaving Itself So Far

ALTHOUGH 2017 has claimed a number of high-profile celebrities such as John Hurt and Bill Paxton, a team of statisticians has declared that in comparison with 2016, this year has thus far ‘behaved itself’. 2016 was renowned for its celebrity death toll, killing everyone from David Bowie to Prince while taking time to end the… Read more »

US Executioner Delighted With Bit Of Overtime

AN Arkansas executioner has expressed great delight at the time-and-a-half boost to his wages he has been receiving lately, thanks to a recent uptick in state-appointed killings of death row inmates. Charles Harrison, 45, admits that the day is long enough without having to put in overtime as well, but the extra money that hits… Read more »

Iggy Pop Turns 70, Somehow

SCIENTISTS and medical practitioners around the world are today expressing bafflement and confusion at the news that hard-living rock legend Iggy Pop has somehow reached the age of 70. Pop, born Ignert Poppertin on April 21st 1947, has been in the public eye since his breakthrough as frontman for legendary hellraisers The Stooges followed by… Read more »

Marine Le Pen Praises Allah For Attack In Paris

NATIONAL FRONT leader and French presidential candidate Marine Le Pen turned towards Mecca to praise Allah following news of a terrorist attack carried out by a man known to police in Paris which resulted in the death of one police officer. “Perfect timing,” Le Pen remarked in a quiet, gleeful moment to herself when she… Read more »

“This Is How You Politics, Bitches!”

BRITISH Prime Minister Theresa May has called out fellow political leaders today after announcing a snap election in a bid to give her more power when it comes to dealing with Europe, insisting that “this is how you politics, bitches!” Speaking outside number 10 Downing Street yesterday morning, the Conservative party leader said she decided to call the surprise election… Read more »

Relief As Everybody Stops Kung-Fu Fighting

FRESH hopes for peace have blossomed in the greater funky Chinatown area, after a decades-long, incredibly frightening kung-fu battle finally came to an end. The battle, in which everybody took part, has been taking place since 1974 and was the subject of a popular song by Carl Douglas in the same year. Described by eye-witnesses… Read more »