Category: WORLD NEWS

Britain Diagnosed With Malignant Tumour

A DOCTOR performing a routine check up on the land mass of the United Kingdom has sadly revealed she has discovered the presence of a malignant tumour. The fleshy and unsightly lump, weighing about 15 stone, is fused tightly to Great Britain and could cause irreparable long term damage. “I’m sorry to say it’s a… Read more »

Britain Fined £8bn By EU For Loitering

BRITAIN has been fined a staggering 8 billion pounds sterling after it was found to be loitering in the European Union, despite being told to move on by the EU 3 years ago. The European Parliament issued the fine to Number 10 late last night, giving Britain 28 days to pay and leave, or if not, goods to the… Read more »

Boris Johnson Some Craic, All The Same

BORIS Johnson’s bid for prime minister of Britain has taken a turn for the better in the last 24 hours, after a groundswell of support from people who have finally accepted just how hilarious it would be to have him run the UK, even for a while. Johnson’s popularity took a sharp uptick after a… Read more »

We Went To Analyse Johnson’s Policies But We Realised He Didn’t Have Any So We Took The Day Off, Got Ice Cream & Everything

CASTING aside his larger than life personality, his Eton-honed quirks, his Oxford-perfected bluster, his train wreck of a personal life, his black hole of a track record – Boris Johnson is running for PM and deserves to have his ideas and policies appraised. It is incumbent on journalists and media outlets to appraise his plans… Read more »

Putin Takes Rare Day Off From Destabilising The West

RECLINING in a hot tub and wearing shades, Russian leader Vladimir Putin took a well earned break from further sowing the seeds of discontent and divisiveness throughout Western democracies and finally administered some ‘self care’ by taking a well earned day off. “This…is the life,” Putin said to himself, basking in afterglow of his latest… Read more »