Category: WORLD NEWS

“Oh Please Not More Tarrifs, You’re Really Tickling Us” – Xi Jinping

CHINESE President Xi Jinping has called on the United States to stop imposing new tarrifs on all Chinese goods, stating that it’s starting to tickle the nation and making everyone laugh. Chuckling to himself at an official press conference, the 66-year-old general secretary of the Communist Party of China struggled to hold back tears of laughter as… Read more »

5 Things We Love About Vladimir Putin

FOLLOWING the revelation that vocal anti-Vladimir Putin campaigner Aleksy Navalny is being treated for what doctors are referring to as a ‘reaction to a chemical substance’, journalists around the world have rushed to condemn the Kremlin for what they see as a blatant attack on free speech and justice, orchestrated and overseen by Putin himself. Not us… Read more »

Johnson Booed By Inebriated Scottish Junkies Munching On Deep Fried Mars Bars

FRESH from being embarrassed by protesters as he met with Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon in Scotland, British PM Boris Johnson corrected the official record of events to better reflect the true nature of the encounter. “To the untrained ear, these rabid, vowel-stretching Scottish neanderthals sounded at first like they were voicing their disapproval for… Read more »

Ireland Fucked, UK Fucked, The North Fucked, Everything Fucked

THE last remaining shreds of optimism surrounding the fate of Ireland following Brexit have been swept away by a tsunami of grim reality, with almost everyone on all sides finally admitting that ‘the whole thing is completely fucking fucked’. The facade of ‘it’ll be alright’ began to show irreparable cracks following Boris Johnson’s victorious campaign… Read more »