Category: WORLD NEWS

Trump Imposes Sanctions On Vuvuzelas

SHOUTING down a number of his most experienced White House aides and advisers, US president Donald Trump has reaffirmed his intention to impose sanctions on vuvuzelas. Decisive action by the president will see the nuisance drone-like noise-making plastic horns face a number of onerous sanctions which would cripple its economy were it not just a… Read more »

Brits Fucking Deaf Or Something

APPROXIMATELY 51.9% of the British population are to be booked in for hearing tests over the next 57 days or so, in a bid to see if they’re wilfully ignoring the facts about Brexit or if they’re actually just legally deaf. The tests come following significant evidence that suggests that people who are still advocates… Read more »

Last Known Tamogotchi Dies In The Wild

SUFFERING what vets on the scene have confirmed as chronic battery failure, the last know tamotchi has sadly died in the Etosha National Park, in Namibia. “We were too late,” a disconsolate vet Anders Ahrens said, cradling the recently perished tamotchi in his arms, a study in profound grief. It is believed Tolo the tamogotchi… Read more »

US Shootings Barely Newsworthy Now

MEDIA agencies around the world have agreed to not bother covering incidents of mass shootings in America unless the death toll reaches 20 or over, following a rash of what have been described as ‘mass shootings in name only’. While the world was shocked by the 1999 Columbine massacre that claimed 15 lives, reactions to mass… Read more »

Brexit: Here’s All The Embarrassing Things Britain Has Done In The Last 24 Hours

THE RECENT months have presented an overwhelming deluge of random acts of British political ignorance that has been incredibly hard to keep track of. In an effort to help our readers traverse the daily dose of politicians across the sea causing their constituents and citizens endless embarrassment, WWN has compiled a selection of all cack-handed… Read more »

“Just Give Us The Fucking Oil” Trump Calls For Calm In Venezuela

US PRESIDENT Donald Trump has called on the people of Venezuela for calm following spiralling tensions in the South American country. Addressing acting Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro over his decision to close the country’s embassy and consulates in the United States, Mr. Trump appealed for reason, stating “Just give us the fucking oil and gold reserves or we’ll Gaddafi your… Read more »