Category: WORLD NEWS

Gingers Warned Not To Get Any Big Ideas

THE GLOBAL ginger community has been officially warned today not to get any big ideas after it was announced that American actor Meghan Markle is to wed ginger and royal, Prince Harry, in spring 2018 at Kensington Palace. A joint statement released by the British government and Buckingham Palace urged people with red hair to not get their hopes up… Read more »

BREAKING: Old MacDonald Homeless After Farm Foreclosure

OLD MacDonald’s farm has gone under foreclosure today after failing to make a series of mortgage repayments on the 400 acre site in the state of Missouri, after a court ordered local sheriffs to immediately seize the property, leaving the owner homeless and out on the street. The 78-year-old farmer said goodbye to his remaining livestock before… Read more »

Stick Black Friday Up Your Hole, Retailers Told

IRISH RETAILERS have politely been told by the bargain hunting portion of the population to stick Black Friday, an American retail sales event, up their holes, WWN can confirm. Despite outrageously good offers to be had in stores, such as that kettle that was €60 now reduced to €59.99, the Irish public has confirmed once… Read more »

Mafia Distance Themselves From Comparisons To FIFA

THE MAFIA has been quick to distance themselves from comparisons to football’s governing body FIFA after it emerged two witnesses in a corruption case against former FIFA executives have turned up dead in recent days, WWN confirm. “Hey now, don’t drag our names into this, you’re making us look bad,” confirmed mafia spokesmademan Tony Palatino,… Read more »

God Turd Found Floating In Space

AN OBJECT previously thought to be an asteroid from interstellar space has been downgraded to being just ‘God’s turd’ following an extensive study by scientists at NASA. Discovered on the 19th of October, the object’s speed and trajectory strongly suggested it originated in a planetary system around another star, but after further testing it was found the anomaly… Read more »

Breaking: Yemen Almost Newsworthy

BREAKING: the famine in Yemen, made possible by the use of US weapons by Saudi Arabia to target and destroy food supplies, thereby committing war crimes, is tantilisingly close to being newsworthy, WWN can confirm. It is not yet clear what piece of journalism will push the conflict between Saudi Arabia and Yemen into the… Read more »