Category: WORLD NEWS

Putin Might Take Over Poland While He’s At It

Numerous media outlets are reporting Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has decided he might as well invade other countries while he’s at it. Following the successful annexation of Crimea it is believed Vladimir Putin has developed a fondness for entering sovereign nations and doing whatever he wants to do. “Well, we do have the whole… Read more »

Madeleine McCann Brought Up Again Due To Slow News Day

NEWS outlets were saved from the drudgery of a slow news day with the release of circumstantial evidence which probably won’t help find the missing Madeleine McCann. The new information, which is as vague as possible, unveils a new possible suspect in the case. Detectives investigating the case are on the lookout for a ‘tanned,… Read more »

Post Paddy’s Day Come Down Expected To Last The Rest Of The Week

Students, young professionals, unemployed people, children and the homeless are said to be fairly fucking bolloxed after partaking in a thoroughly enjoyable St. Patrick’s weekend, culminating yesterday with the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. Productivity throughout the country is verging on the comically low as everyone halfheartedly pretends they are going to put the effort… Read more »

Rest Of Ukraine Pretending They’re Homosexual

FOLLOWING CRIMEA’S electoral decision to join Russia, Ukraine’s leaders have called on its population to pretend they’re homosexual for a while. The calls for gay came after 93% of the Crimean population voted against rule by the current Ukrainian government, in what the west has called an ‘illegal Poll’. Since news of the mutiny, thousands… Read more »

Fukushima Residents Go Green For Patricks Day

FINAL preparations are taking place today in Fukushima, Japan, for St. Patrick’s Day, where residents have ‘gone green’ to mark the event. Keeping with tradition — alongside the Niagara Falls, the TV tower in Berlin’s Alexanderplatz, the London Eye and Table Mountain in South Africa — Fukushima mayor, Sum Yung Guy, said locals have ‘greened… Read more »