Category: WORLD NEWS

‘Snowden Keeps Bumming Fags Off People’, Claim Russian Airport Officials

MOSCOW AIRPORT officials have claimed today that whistle-blower, Edward Snowden, keeps ‘bumming fags’ off people, and it’s starting to become a little bit annoying now. The former National Security Agency employee who exposed the US’ surveillance programmes, is said to be constantly harassing passengers travelling from the terminal area of Russia’s busiest airport. “He’s relentless.” said… Read more »

US To Arm Entire Planet With Weapons By 2015 In New Terrorism Crackdown

THE UNITED STATES of America announced its intention today to arm the entire population of the earth with automatic weapons by 2015. President Barack Obama has decided to authorise lethal aid to everyone without out a gun to defend themselves against terrorist with guns. Operation ‘Fight firearm with firearm’ will be rolled out immediately across the world… Read more »

Commander Chris Hadfield Not So Cool Without Zero Gravity

INTERNATIONAL SPACE Station commander Chris Hadfield is said to be ‘not so cool’ now that he’s in the earth’s gravitational field, fans of the astronaut admitted today. The 53-year-old Canadian, who arrived back to earth after a 5 month stay on the ISS last month, is reported to be just doing every day normal things,… Read more »

Obama Challenges North Korean Leader To ‘Whip It Out’

AMERICAN PRESIDENT Barack Obama today challenged North Korean leader Kim Jong Un to ‘whip it out’ in a bid to put an end to their feud by a public display of manhood. In a 30 minute speech aired live from the oval office in the white house, Mr. Obama called out the 30 year old on the size of his… Read more »

‘North Korea Becoming Increasingly Hilarious’ Warns American Defense Secretary

US DEFENSE Secretary Leon Panetta warned today that North Korea is becoming increasingly hilarious and represented a substantial threat to the seriousness of global conflict. The comment came following news that the Democratic People’s Republic threatened the United States with a preemptive nuclear strike earlier. “They are making a mockery out of cold wars!” said Mr. Panetta. “Threatening the… Read more »

‘Humble’ Pope Francis Still Insists On Wiping Own Arse, Reveals Vatican Arse Wiper

THE VATICAN’S chief toilet attendant revealed today that newly appointed Pope Francis the first still insists on wiping his own arse after using the lavatory. Cardinal Rodrigo Gonzalez believes the papal refusal for assisted anus cleansing is an early sign that times at the Roman Catholic Church may be changing. “The Holy Father stopped me midway insisting I leave… Read more »

Outsourced Chinese Worker Also Admits To Outsourcing Job

THE CHINESE worker at the centre of a US outsourcing scandal has also admitted today that he too has outsourced the job — to a software developer in India. The news comes just one day after a software developer known only as “Bob”, was fired for outsourcing his duties to the Chinese man so that he… Read more »