Category: WORLD NEWS

Santa Shot Down Inside Syrian Airspace

U.S. INTELLIGENCE has confirmed this evening that Santa Claus was shot down at 16:09 GMT by by Syrian forces while flying inside Syrian airspace, American officials have said. The CIA said the unarmed sleigh registered to one Mr. Claus was not delivering arms to Syrian rebels, but was actually delivering Christmas presents to children at… Read more »

Tearful US Attack Drone ‘Elated’ Over Obama Victory

A TEARFUL United States attack drone stationed in Afghanistan said it was ‘elated’ today over the news of president Obama’s re-election victory. S-3476 said it stayed up all night to watch the live coverage of the ‘nail-biting’ voting count and expressed deep emotion throughout the event. “Me and the guys were all glued to a… Read more »

Titgate: Nine French Officials Killed In London Embassy Attack

ROYAL fundamentalists angered over the countries publication of printed images of a topless Kate Middleton which ridiculed her tits stormed the French embassy  in London last night, killing nine French officials, witnesses  said. British protesters scaled the walls of the French embassy in the Knightsbridge area of the capital and attacked the occupants as they slept. Sources claim… Read more »

Death Of Young Woman Even More Tragic Now That She Was ‘A Fine Thing’

THE untimely death of 21-year-old Jessica Harris last Tuesday evening was said to be even ‘more tragic now’ after images released by her family reveal what an absolute ‘fine thing’ she really was. Thousands of people across the country have swamped national newspapers and internet forums with condolence letters and comments voicing their absolute disgust at the… Read more »

Facebook Apologises After Confusing Cost Of Market ‘Shares’ With ‘Share Shares’

ANALYSTS at Facebook’s IPO underwriters have admitted today to accidentally pricing actual stock market shares with the social networks own ‘share’ option which is frequently used by its 800 million members. WWN has learned that the research analysts at the company’s lead underwriters – Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, and JP Morgan—had cut their earnings estimates for… Read more »

Theory on ‘Invisible’ Dark Matter Which Holds Universe Together Is ‘Absolute fairytale’, Says Pope

THE POPE has laughed-off sciences latest theory on ‘dark matter’, saying that the idea of an invisible force that holds the entire universe together is an ‘absolute fairytale’. The Holy see slammed the hypothesis earlier this week and asked people who believed in the idea to ‘get a reality check’. A spokesman for the Vatican told… Read more »

‘My Only Regret Is Not Featuring In An Internet Viral Video Campaign’, Says Dying Mugabe

ZIMBABWEAN dictator Robert Mugabe told family members and friends last night that his only regret was never featuring in an internet viral video campaign like ‘Kony 2012’. The cancer stricken leader flew to Singapore by private jet on Saturday for treatment, but took a turn for the best and is said to be suffering excruciating pain in his final… Read more »