Category: WORLD NEWS

God Not Sure Where To Put Ronnie Biggs

A VATICAN spokesperson stated today that the almighty father of the universe has ‘no idea’ where to put the late Ronnie Biggs, due to the train robbers colourful past. Biggs, who was 84, was being cared for at the Carlton Court Care Home in East Barnet, North London, before croaking it earlier today. His spirit… Read more »

Mandela Deaf Signer Hired As CRC Publicist

Directors of the Central Remedial Clinic (CRC) have acted swiftly in their PR battle against the wave of criticism they have received in relation to ‘top up’ payments made to some of their members. The CRC has been in the headlines ever since news broke of salaries being paid out that were in excess of… Read more »

American Gun Enthusiasts Welcome Amazon Air Drone Targets Containing Free Prize

GUN ENTHUSIASTS have welcomed Amazons latest venture in air-delivery technology today, stating the drones will make great target practice with the bonus addition of a free prize. Thousands of excited Americans are expected to line up outside delivery centres once the drone trials start. “This will be like clay-pigeon shooting,” said one Texan. “Only for… Read more »

Astronomy Ireland: ‘Comet Was Some Heap Of Shite’

ASTRONOMY IRELAND confirmed today that Comet ISON was ‘some heap of shite’ after it burned up today passing through the sun’s atmosphere. The crap piece of rock’s 5.5-million-year journey to the inner solar system ended after it broke up like a ‘soggy digestive in a mug of tea’ , astronomers have said. “It was hyped… Read more »

New CIA Evidence Reveals JFK Committed Suicide

THE AMERICAN Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has released concrete evidence that proves that assassinated president John F Kennedy actually committed suicide 50 years ago. The CIA stated that graphic testimony given by Jackie Kennedy showed beyond reasonable doubt that her husband orchestrated a mock assassination before taking his own life with a concealed revolver he… Read more »