Category: WORLD NEWS

Israel Just Gonna Leave Its Stuff Here For A Bit

ISRAEL has announced today that it’s just gonna leave its stuff here for a bit in Gvoat. The Jewish state is believed to be doing some refurbishments at the moment and doesn’t have anywhere else to put it. “Here looks like a great place,” said the country, as it laid down some ‘protective fencing’ around… Read more »

Planet Not All That Bothered By Kurdish Mans Beheading

ABSOLUTELY everyone was unmoved today by the latest ISIS beheading video of some Kurdish guy in Iraq. News of the video, entitled “A Message in Blood”, failed to bother anyone in the slightest after being posted online several hours after another boring video showing the mass execution of 250 Syrian soldiers in the desert. “What the hell is… Read more »

NRA Calls For Tougher Gun Instructors

THE National Rifle Association of America has called on US shooting ranges to employ tougher gun instructors to deal with inexperienced children wishing to use military weapons, it has been revealed today. The request comes just 24 hours after a 9-year-old girl accidentally killed Arizona shooting instructor, Charles Vacca, as he was showing her how to use an automatic Uzi. Mr Vacca… Read more »

Kim Jong-un ‘Hacked’ US Hypersonic Weapon Launch, Claims State Media

THE NORTH Korean central news agency has reported today that supreme leader Kim Jong-un personally “hacked” and “sabotaged” the launch of a US hypersonic weapon in Alaska on Monday. The sophisticated weapon, developed by the U.S. military, was reportedly programmed to ‘self-destruct’ four seconds after its launch by the 31-year-old from his presidential palace in… Read more »

Designer Of Leaky Stainless Steel Teapot Arrested For Crimes Against Humanity In Argentina

THE International Criminal Police Organization (INTERPOL) has today confirmed the arrest of 67-year-old James Richardson – inventor of the faulty stainless steel teapot – after a twenty five year investigation into his crimes against humanity. Mr. Richardson was apprehended in his Buenos Aires mansion at 03:30 this morning following information to his whereabouts by a maid. “I recognised his… Read more »

Al-Qaeda To Sue ISIS For Copyright Infringement

THE world’s most feared terrorist organisations are to battle it out in a Suadi court next month as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is being accused of copyright infringement by rival Afghani based group, Al-Qaeda. Lawyers for both parties decided this morning to go to court following a breakdown in talks over… Read more »

Iceland Will Melt If Volcano Erupts, Warn Scientists

THE entire island of Iceland will melt if Bardarbunga volcano erupts, scientists have warned today in a dramatic last attempt to evacuate the region. “You are all going to drown!” informed lead seismologist Dr. Ken Hackman at an emergency televised press conference this morning. “Lava and ice just doesn’t go together. Are you people crazy?… Read more »

34 Dead From Hypothermia Following Ice Bucket Challenge

THE CELEBRITY endorsed ‘ice bucket challenge’ has done much to raise awareness and much needed funds for the fight against motor neurone disease (known more commonly as ASL in America) but in the last 48-hours a number of people have sadly died after attempting the well-meaning challenge. As many as 34 young people in America,… Read more »