Category: LOCAL NEWS

Campaigners For Unisex Bathrooms Not Taking Smell Into Consideration

A GROUP opposed to gender neutral public bathroom facilities has stressed that their viewpoint is not based on transphobia or bigotry, but instead on their embarrassment when it comes to cracking whopper dumps in the presence of co-workers or attractive people. With unisex toilet facilities on the rise, gender-equality activists have faced push-back from transphobic groups that… Read more »

ISIS Luring Irish Members By Offering Decent Broadband

AFTER NEWS of the apprehension of Irish citizen and suspected member of ISIS Alexandr Ruzmatovich Bekmirzaev in Syria reached Ireland, more information relating to ISIS recruitment of Irish people has been shared by leading terrorism experts. As many as half a dozen Irish citizens have been lured to the Middle East to take up a… Read more »

Man Postpones Sorting Life Out Until 2020

A LOCAL Waterford man has joined a growing list of people who have decided to postpone sorting their life out until 2020, completely bypassing 2019 when it comes to acts of self-improvement, WWN can reveal. Tony Higgins (25) had intended to lose a bit of weight, read more and stop calling his ex at 3am… Read more »

Model Praised For Baring Wrinkly Fingers After Long Bath

IRISH model and general woman person Glenda O’Connorman Roche has received floods of praise on social media yesterday afternoon for showing off her water wrinkles following a four hour bath. The 25-year-old Miss Solar System contestant posted several unedited images of her fingertips, which seemed to have shrivelled up due to her blood vessels constricting below the skin… Read more »

Double Decker Luas Gets Go Ahead

IN RESPONSE to the continued overcrowding on Luas trams during rush hour, Transport for Ireland has given the green light to a new double decker sized tram, WWN can reveal. Stressed out commuters have routinely complained about being packed into trams like a tin of sardines with worse smelling people and despite the introduction of… Read more »

Investigation Launched Into Why Christmas Crackers Are So Shite

AN INTERNATIONAL trans-continental investigation has been launched by Interpol to ascertain why Christmas crackers are so unbelievably shite, disappointing and poorly made with a vow to bring those responsible to justice. “This is an international conspiracy. People across countless nations are victims of piss-poor Christmas crackers and we must end this tyranny now,” confirmed head… Read more »

RTÉ Christmas Guide Replaced By Netflix Browsing Menu

THE YEAR 2018 will represent the first ever year Irish families will formally adopt the Netflix home browsing menu as their key guide this Christmas, formally replacing the RTÉ Christmas Guide. Time honoured Christmas tradition in Ireland has always placed the bumper 14,000 page special edition RTÉ Guide at the centre of TV viewing, however… Read more »