Category: LOCAL NEWS

Local Lad Always Off His Face On Pills

AFTER finally reaching out to his GP in a bid to confront the anxiety and depression that has dragged him down for as long as he can remember, local man Cillian O’Hearne now spends his days on a range of hastily-prescribed medication which may be helping or may not, time will tell. 28-year-old O’Hearne assured WWN… Read more »

Cherry Blossom Trees Can Fuck Off, Agree Car Owners

CONTRARY to the opinions of passers-by who remark on the stunning spring beauty of a fully-grown cherry blossom tree in full bloom, car-owners across the country have come together in one voice to dismiss the trees as being ‘rubbish factories which need to be chopped down and burned immediately’. Currently in their petal-shedding season, cherry… Read more »

But Waterford Mother Heard Story About How Everyone Will Be Getting Abortions

A LOCAL Waterford mother has countered her daughter’s pleas for her to vote to repeal the 8th amendment in the upcoming referendum with the fact that she had heard somewhere a story about how everyone would be getting abortions. 67-year-old Caroline Lawther had explained to her daughter, Jessica, that she heard a person interviewed on… Read more »

Hundreds Of Thousands Camp Out Overnight For WWN Live Show Tickets

HUNDREDS of thousands of news fans braved cold temperatures overnight to secure their tickets for what is expected to be the greatest and most intelligent live stage show of the world has ever seen. Queues spanning up to four kilometers began building outside Ticketmaster outlets across the country from last week, with desperate fans setting up their camping gear… Read more »

5 Myths About Dubliners

DESPITE the relatively small size of the island of Ireland people from different backgrounds encounter prejudice and stereotyping every day, which is only made possible by the ignorance of others. WWN, in an attempt to bring knuckle dragging muck savages from rural Ireland closer to their urbane and sophisticated Dublin superiors, we are here to… Read more »

Local Prick Keeps All His Tesco Blue Charity Tokens

IN a bid to make sure that no local charities receive funding that he contributed to in any way, local dickface Martin Whelahan has amassed dozens upon dozens of blue charity tokens from his shopping excursions to Tesco. Whelahan, described locally as ‘a fucking dose’, has never dropped any of the blue tokens into the… Read more »