Category: LOCAL NEWS

Protesters With Baby Coffins Planning ‘Fuck All’ For Tuam Grave Site

AN ANTI-ABORTION group who held a demonstration outside the National Maternity Hospital have confirmed they are planning ‘fuck all’ protests for Mother and Baby homes sites across the country. The Our Lady of Lourdes Protectors group, who staged a demonstration with three white child-size coffins, defended their decision to protest while pregnant women of all ages and medical… Read more »

DUP Under Threat Of Being Aborted By Gay Marriage

DESPITE a House of Commons vote putting the legalisation of same-sex marriage and abortion in Northern Ireland a near certainty if power-sharing isn’t restored by October 21st, the DUP are taking the news surprisingly well. “This is all that gay cake’s fault,” fumed Arlene Foster, leader of a party that set Northern Ireland on this… Read more »

Larry Murphy At Home Watching Old Larry Murphy Documentaries

REMINISCING on a time when people were actually worried about his whereabouts and current activities, convicted kidnapper, rapist and attempted murderer Larry Murphy sat back in his favourite chair, sparked up a cigarette, and pressed play on an old TV3 documentary detailing his crimes. Pausing on old footage of himself entering an Amsterdam apartment in 2012, Murphy… Read more »

Loyalists Make Switch To Carbon Free Bonfires

LOYALISTS in Northern Ireland have pledged to make this year’s Orange Order celebrations a little more green, with the introduction of carbon-saving measures over the entire 12th of July festivities. “Each bonfire we burn every year contains about 10,000 pallets, contributing tonnes of CO2 to the atmosphere,” explained lodge leader Sammy Sammison, spearheading this year’s… Read more »

Everyone’s Insurance Increases By €200 After Man Sneezes

DISMISSIVELY SHRUGGING their shoulders, the Irish insurance industry pointed to a picture of a man from rural Clare sneezing as justification for collectively hiking the price of insurance. Car insurance, home contents, health insurance, liability insurance, insurance insurance, no matter the coverage or policy we’re all set to pay more in a completely unavoidable price… Read more »

GP Prescribing Benzos Like He’s On Commission

“Oh, you’re feeling a little bit down after your gerbil died; here’s a prescription for some benzos that should keep you in a nice, vegetative state for the next few years,” Dr. Kevin Hoggan told his 5th such patient this week as we entered his surgery. Speaking to WWN, the general practitioner admitted to not knowing off hand… Read more »

Irish Border Issue Steadfastly Refuses To Fuck Off

BREXITEERS have angrily expressed their frustration with the Northern Irish border, which has yet to ‘do the right thing’ and ‘fuck away off’, WWN can confirm. Heading into early July, historically a calm and reasonable time period in Northern Ireland, the issue with the border remains the foremost sticking point in the UK’s plans to be… Read more »