Category: LOCAL NEWS

Fine Gael Sues Country For Whiplash

FINE GAEL has filed a personal injury claim against the people of Ireland, following injuries sustained when the country took an unexpected turn away from the party during local and European elections. The party, headed by Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, claims that the sudden and forceful move by the electorate towards the Green Party caused severe whiplash… Read more »

Disneyland Tramore Set To Open This Weekend

THE MUCH anticipated unveiling on Disney’s next big large scale resort is to take place this coming weekend in Tramore, County Waterford, WWN can confirm. Not content with prime locations in heavily populated metropolitan regions such as Los Angeles, Paris and Hong Kong, Disney has now turned its attention to Ireland’s premiere seaside resort. “I… Read more »

CAB To Open 2nd Hand Rolex Store In Dublin

THE Criminal Assets Bureau has confirmed it will open a second hand Rolex store in Dublin City centre in an attempt to shift dozens of Rolex watches it has confiscated over the years from criminal gangs. “Since targeting gangs around the country we have accumulated so many Rolex watches that we have no other option but… Read more »

New Trump Plaza To Be ‘100 Times More Better Than Barack Obama Plaza’

FANS of US-President themed petrol station/ fast-food outlet hybrids are eagerly awaiting the construction of the new Donald Trump Plaza in Co. Clare, which will commemorate the upcoming presidential visit in June. The service mega-station will be constructed up the road from Trump’s Doonbeg golf estate, and will feature a state-of-the-art, no-expense-spared refuelling and dining… Read more »

Grown Woman Still Calls Them ‘Horsies’

The woman, whose current age stands in stark contrast to her insistence in calling horses ‘horsies’, remains unrepentent in her use of the excitable, childlike term. Clare Herrity (25) blurted the word ‘horsies’ out at the exact moment she spotted several horses in a field while on a walk with friends this weekend, and in… Read more »

“Payback Time, Fuckers” Irish Public Tell Insurers Accused Of Running Cartel

THE IRISH insurance buying public has called on people not to rush to judgement after learning of the news that the European Commission has opened a formal investigation into Insurance Ireland’s data pooling system which may have made it possible for insurance companies to operate a cartel, illegally ripping off customers in the process. “Payback… Read more »