Category: LOCAL NEWS

School Bans Fun Thing

SCHOOLS across the country have come out in force against whatever fun new craze that kids are all about these days, stating that they will not stand for anything that does not conform with their strict rules on sitting quietly and absorbing information. The newest fun thing sweeping the Nation has been blamed for everything… Read more »

Everything Back To Normal

THE NATION was able to breathe a collective sigh of relief as they were presented with overwhelming evidence that everything is back to normal in the form of endless torrents of rain, WWN can confirm. Now waist deep in flash floods while being stabbed in the eye by passerby’s umbrellas, the public confirmed to WWN… Read more »

Fancy Culchie Only Drinks Rock Shandy

NO Club Orange for local man Ian McEhany, and no TK lemonade either. No, when it comes to quenching this Ofally native’s thirst, there’s only one beverage that will do; a lukewarm slug of Rock Shandy out of a 2 litre bottle from under the sink. Rock Shandy, produced solely for the affluent culchie market… Read more »

UCD Student Convinced He’ll Pass Exams If He Just Doesn’t Sleep For Next 4 Days

THERE were scenes of calm and tranquility in the UCD library earlier today as second year Agriculture Science student Michael O’Hennan seemingly discovered an easy solution to all his exam worries and woes. Faced with a tough work load, intimidating study schedule and unforgiving exam schedule, O’Hennan had confessed previously to friends and college peers… Read more »

Pressure To Resign Mounts On Mounted Pressure Pressured On Garda Commissioner

THERE is an increasing amount of pressure being applied to previous pressure, which was mounted on pressure aimed at mounted pressuring on Garda Commissioner Noirín O’Sullivan to resign, WWN understands. Following evidence given before the Public Accounts Committee by Commissioner O’Sullivan in regards to the misappropriation of funds at the Garda College by gardaí there,… Read more »

Good Weather To Abandon Nation Just Like Dad Did

THERE will be some disappointed faces tomorrow as Ireland’s sunny streak is set to end with the ushering in of rain tomorrow and Christ does it remind me of the time my dad walked out on me, WWN’s resident weather expert Peter Cally can confirm. Hotter than the Mediterranean at times, but Ireland will have… Read more »