Category: LOCAL NEWS

Local Kid Finally Comes Down from Halloween Sugar Buzz

THERE was a huge relief for a Waterford family today when their 8-year-old son finally came down from a sugar high that had lasted almost two full days, after consuming his body weight in sugar on Halloween night. Kenny Traynor emerged from his artificial sweetener-fueled rampage in the early hours of this morning, following 48… Read more »

Bullshit Warning Issued As Annual ‘Worst Winter In 50 Years’ Articles Emerge

IRELAND’S meteorological service Met Eireann has issued a nationwide bullshit warning as hundreds of ‘worst weather in 50 years’ articles emerge. The annual barrage of poorly researched articles from reputable mainstream news publications is expected to surface this week as Winter quickly approaches with its unusual Winter-like weather. “We expect every publication across Ireland and the… Read more »

“Yaaaas Queen”

THERE is growing concern for a large portion of the Irish female population after being struck down by a mysterious illness which see’s them unable to say anything other than the phrase ‘yaaaas queen’. More disturbing still is that those afflicted do not merely speak the words, but are instead plunged into a trance like… Read more »

80% Of This Article Is Emojis, Because Fuck It This Is Where Journalism Is Headed

DESPITE having a wealth of prestigious writing and journalistic talent on our books, what’s the point, journalism is dead 🤒😷🤕🤢💀💀💀💀☠️ We’ve tried, but a searing first hand account of life in a Syrian refugee camp doesn’t get attention unless we throw in a bit of this 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢, a bit of this👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻 and top it off… Read more »