Category: LOCAL NEWS

Housemates Not As Quiet At Riding As They Think

DO you enjoy bringing your partner back to your flat for a quickie, safe in the knowledge that your copulation is quiet enough to go unnoticed by your housemates? Well, it turns out you’re in for a surprise. After a poll among apartment and home dwellers showed that almost all riding done in a shared living environment… Read more »

Posh Couple Accused Of Cultural Appropriation After Calling Child ‘Jacintha’

A WELL-TO-DO south county Dublin couple have been accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after naming their infant daughter Jacintha Crystal Britney O’Byrne. Significant online criticism has been leveled at Olwyn and Spencer O’Byrne with calls for the couple to be reported to social services for their blatant adoption of certain names associated with a societal group… Read more »

PC World Branch Burned To The Ground By Alt-Right Mob

FIREFIGHTERS spent this morning battling a blaze at a branch of PC World in Workington in the United Kindom after an angry mob, believed to be affiliated with several extremist far-right groups, set it ablaze. Travelling on buses from nearby Cockermouth on the A66, hordes of far-right protesters (mostly men) could be heard shouting “you… Read more »

Local Man Just Doesn’t Like Dogs, Sorry

DESPITE extreme pressure from dog lovers in his circle of friends to admit that he at least like pugs, sure what could be wrong with pugs, local man Eric Smyth is sticking to his guns; he just does not like dogs. “But look at this video on Twitter of a dog who can’t quite catch a… Read more »

Weather To Remain Cold, But Not Cold-Cold

THE latest weather report from Met Éireann has confirmed the nation’s worst fears; that although the next couple of weeks will remain bitterly cold, it will not reach a point where we all get a free day off work again. Satellite imaging has shown that there does not appear to be a ‘Beast From The… Read more »

€450k Inquiry Into Children’s Hospital Overspend Already €2mn Over Budget

THE GOVERNMENT has reluctantly informed the taxpayer that the €450,000 review into the €1.1 billion overspend on the Children’s Hospital, announced only yesterday, is already €2 million over budget. Visibly grimacing as he relayed the news and shaking his head the Taoiseach, who had to fucking leave Davos for this shit, said “obviously mistakes were… Read more »

Fyre Festival Still Not As Bad As Oxegen

VETERANS of the defunct Irish music festival Oxegen have openly laughed at the plight of festival goers featured in Netflix’s new controversial documentary of the Fyre Festival. The Bahamas located festival is the subject of a documentary that details the fraudulent actions of the luxury festival’s organisers which left ticket holders arriving to a field… Read more »