Category: LOCAL NEWS

Local Man Still Uneasy In Fanny Pad Aisle

DURING one of his ongoing therapy sessions, Waterford native Ulick Whelan has opened up about how he still gets a little restless and ‘icked out’ if he has to pass through the female sanitary product section of a supermarket while grocery shopping. Having already disclosed his uneasiness when passing the bra section of a Penneys… Read more »

“No One Brings Me Anywhere” Local Grandmother Claims

A COUNTY Waterford pensioner has come out with fresh revelations to complete strangers today in a bid to taint her immediate family as ‘narcissistic assholes’ who apparently never bring her anywhere, WWN can confirm. Gladys Joyce, a widow of 15 years, slammed her sons and daughters for never calling in for her when they’re going on family drives, stating ‘no one… Read more »

The Tusla Guide To Irish Creches

AS MANY as 37 creche facilities are on the highest level of risk on Tusla’s risk register, according to information divulged by Tusla officials before a Joint Oireachtas Committee on Children and Youth Affairs. What does this mean? It means all 37 creches are still operating as normal, completely uninterrupted and free to carry doing… Read more »

Fungi Admits Longing For Sweet Release Of Death

SQUEAKING exclusively to WWN, famed Dingle dolphin Fungi has admitted that sometimes the daily drudge of putting on a smile for a boat load of fat tourists just makes him want to swim ‘right into the fucking propeller’. Fungi, 38, has been a staple part of the Irish tourism industry since arriving in Dingle in… Read more »

Jack Russells Discontinued After 225 Years

THE popular terrier breed known as the ‘Jack Russell’ is to be phased out at the start of 2020 bringing to an end almost 225 years of ankle-height canine companionship, WWN can report. Once hugely popular throughout almost every household in Ireland and beyond, the bite-happy pooch was a staple of every walk in the countryside,… Read more »