Category: LOCAL NEWS

Swans More Evil Than You Could Ever Have Imagined

A report issued today by the Department of Agriculture, Food and the Marine claims that a swan’s capacity for pure evil far exceeds the levels once previously accepted. A spokesperson for the Dept. has pleaded with the public to remain vigilant at all times even in locations one would not normally associate with swans like… Read more »

Guy Sitting Next To You On The Bus Listening To His Music Having A ‘Moment’

Unbeknownst to you, during your daily morning commute into work, a fellow passenger was having what people commonly call ‘a moment’. 26-year-old Graphic Designer Paul Cullen, not fully content with just enjoying the precious few minutes leading up to the daily grind, descended into a deeply existential state. As the window next to you fogged… Read more »

‘Yes, That’s Enough Photos Of Your Fantastic Life In Australia Thank You Very Much’

IRISH citizens who still currently reside in Ireland have collectively urged those who emigrated to Australia to refrain from ‘rubbing it in our faces’. Irish people living abroad in Australia are currently enjoying good weather and an envious lifestyle, leaving those stuck here at home feeling even more miserable than usual. A pressure group called… Read more »

Future Serial Killer Beginning To Tire Of Her Parents

Future serial killer Rachel O’Dowd is really starting to tire of her parents’ bullshit. Rachel, aged 6, is struggling with the basic concept of empathy and it’s not being helped in the slightest by her parent’s implementation of ‘rules’, ‘showing respect’ and ‘bedtime’. While Rachel’s drawings have increasingly involved the maiming of her father it… Read more »