Category: LOCAL NEWS


Government Facing Shortage Of New Tax Ideas To Piss People Off With

THE GOVERNMENT announced today that it is now facing a shortage of new tax ideas to piss people off with. Ministerial departments converged in a crisis meeting yesterday evening after shocking figures were released on how many home-owners actually paid the household charge. Environment minister Phil Hogan told WWN today that the household charge was the governments… Read more »

“All My Facebook Friends Think I’m Really Cultured Now” Says Guy Who Translated Name To Irish

A DUBLIN man has confirmed today that all his Facebook friends think he is ‘really cultured now’ after translating his name from, Peter Cody, to the Irish version, Peadar Mac Oda, late last month. The 27-year-old immature student said he had already felt the difference in people’s attitude towards him on the social networking site. “It was like I… Read more »

Ian Paisley Returns Home As Heaven Nor Hell Wants Him

THE Reverend and Right Honourable Ian Paisley has returned home today after being refused access to both heaven and hell, a spokeperson for the the former Northern Ireland First Minister said this morning. The 85-year-old was due to ‘move on’  last month but was turned down by the Kingdom of Heaven shortly after his heart failed. An angel source claims Mr…. Read more »

Unemployed Must ‘Pretend’ To Look For Jobs, Says Burton

THE Minister for Social Protection, Joan Burton, has warned today that the long term unemployed must now ‘pretend’ to look for jobs or they will be ‘threatened’ with losing their benefits for ever and ever. Pretending to look for Work, launched by Taoiseach Enda Kenny, Tanaiste Eamon Gilmore and Joan Burton, aims to get thousands of unemployed people falsifying documents and editing… Read more »

Outrage As Students Keep College Town In Jobs

HUNDREDS of distressed Waterford citizens were outraged this week as the annual college RAG festivities devastated the town with large injections of cash and jobs. Local businesses were said to be recovering today after what has been called the ‘worst week they have ever put down in their miserable lives’. Publican Michael Toomey told WWN today that he… Read more »

Job Seekers Nationwide Welcome Casual Fridays

HUNDREDS of thousands of people welcomed the governments decision today to opt in for a nationwide casual Friday for all jobseekers. The move will see a wider acceptance of casual wear, enabling people looking for work to ‘dress down’ and ‘relax’ as they go about their weekly Friday routine. Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation, Richard Bruton, TD,… Read more »

‘Mandatory German For Both Junior And Leaving Cert Exams’, Says Quinn

THE Minister for education and skills, Ruairi Quinn, has announced at a press conference today that the German language will become mandatory for both Junior and leaving certificates from next year. Mr. Quinn unveiled the €2bn programme – part funded by the EU – at the Shelbourne hotel earlier this morning. The ‘Bildung Macht Frei’ or ‘Education will make… Read more »