Category: LOCAL NEWS


Electric Ireland: Price Hikes Unavoidable As ‘Electricity Pole Crops’ Fall Victim To Wet Summer

ENERGY provider Electric Ireland (formally ESB) announced today that a new 6% increase in electricity prices was ‘unavoidable’ due to a poor yield in ‘electricity polecrops’ this Summer. The energy firm reported a drastic drop in the number of electricity poles harvested this year and expects a similar price increase in January 2013. CEO of the company Pat O’Doherty… Read more »

“Those Crusty Irish Bastards Really Got Us By The Balls Now!” Admits Shell CEO

SHELL CEO Peter Voser admitted today that the shell-to-sea protesters have really got the multinational oil and gas company by the balls after a truck carrying drilling equipment for the Corrib project got stuck on a road yesterday. The worlds largest oil company was said to be on the verge of collapse following the incident, according to demonstrators at the scene. Mr. Voser… Read more »

Vatican Strikes D’Arcy Family Name From Church Register

THE VATICAN have announced today that anyone with the family name ‘D’Arcy’ will be stricken from all Catholic church records until further notice. Speaking from his safe-house in Rome today,  Pope Benedict BMW X5 said that the decision to ban the name from the register came after numerous attempts to silence both the Irish broadcaster, Ray Darcy, and… Read more »

‘My Work Here Is Done’ Says Fornication TD Before Dramatically Ascending Back Into Heaven

FINE GAEL TD Michelle Mulherin dramatically ascended back into heaven this morning in front of hundreds of spectators claiming that her ‘work here was done’. The single forty-year-old explained to mere mortals yesterday that sex between an unmarried  male and a female was the biggest cause of unwanted pregnancy in Ireland. She caused heated debate with her use of… Read more »