Category: LOCAL NEWS

“No, No, No…Don’t Get Me Wrong, Wearing Yoga Pants Is Fine!” Backtracks Donegal priest

A CATHOLIC priest who warned his parishioners they were putting their souls in jeopardy by taking part in yoga classes has backtracked on his earlier comments, confirming that ‘wearing Yoga pants is fine’, just as long as you’re not participating in the activity itself. The county Donegal priest, who banned advertisements for Yoga classes from… Read more »

‘Streets A Safer Place Without 80-Year-Old Peace Activist’, Insists Minister for Justice

THE people of Ireland breathed a sigh of relief today as Minister for justice Frances Fitzgerald announced that the notorious criminal Margaretta D’Arcy is tonight behind bars, where she belongs. 80-year-old Ms. D’Arcy has been a constant threat to the safety of Irish civilians for years, following her refusal to cease protesting the landing of military… Read more »

Croke Park Residents Wondering What Else They Can Accomplish

MEMBERS of the Croke Park Residents Association, who successfully opposed five consecutive Garth Brooks concerts, were yesterday musing over what other social grievances and injustices they can take on. The committee, who were said to be surprised that just taking a stand actually worked, is currently reaching out to members of fellow communities to help… Read more »

Banshee Sightings Down 100%

A NEW report from the Irish Mythological Association has revealed an alarming decline in Banshee sightings over the past decade. The results of the study reveal that in the years 2004-2014, there were zero reports of the dreaded spirit; a 100% decrease from the previous time frame. The Banshee, often depicted as either a beautiful… Read more »

UN Send Peacekeeping Mission To Croke Park

THE latest twist in the seemingly unending tale of the great Garth Brooks concert debate has finally seen the intervention of the UN. UN General Secretary Ban Ki Moon has stepped in as civil unrest rarely seen in this part of the world has forced the UN’s hand. Crowds gathered nearby Croke Park this weekend… Read more »

Coast Guard Apologises For Rescuing Jedward

THE Skerries Coast Guard have this morning issued a full and frank apology following last night’s dramatic rescue of a stranded Jedward, after the much-tolerated pop duo became trapped by the tide on Malahide beach. John and Edward, along with a young cousin, were walking along the sea when they became trapped on a sandbank… Read more »