Category: LOCAL NEWS

Latest Missing Teen Definitely On The Session Somewhere, Says Everybody

IRELANDS latest missing teen is definitely on the session somewhere after the long bank holiday weekend, according to everyone today. Joseph ‘Joey’ Moylan, from Clonmel Co. Tipperary, was last seen in Abrakebabra fast food take-away on Gladstone Street between 02.00am and 02.30am on Sunday night. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he found… Read more »

Limerick School Calls For Lunchtime Ban On Triangular-Cut Sandwiches Following Stabbing Incident

A LIMERICK secondary school has called for a lunchtime ban on all triangular-cut sandwiches from its grounds following a stabbing incident in the canteen area last week. According to reports, parents have been told to cut lunch sandwiches into rectangles or squares rather than triangles. It is understood that the triangular version of all white and brown… Read more »

Predator Neighbour Groomed Vulnerable Dog (6) To ‘Give Him The Paw’

A MIDDLE-AGED Lietrim man has been branded a ‘sick and evil predator’ by his neighbours for grooming their 6-year-old dog into giving him the paw. Mickey Reilly, 48, dodged getting a slap in the face after he admitted targeting the purebred boxer and coaxing her with lamb cutlets in exchange for ‘the paw’. Yesterday the unemployed loner… Read more »

‘What Exactly Is Seasonal Weather Then?’, Asks Everybody

THE ENTIRE Irish nation was left bewildered today after numerous news reports claimed the current trend of bad weather was ‘unseasonal’. Some 40,000 homes and businesses across Northern Ireland are without electricity supplies while many areas around the republic have been hit with severe flooding in places. “Sure whats bleedin’ new?” said Dublin city resident Cormac Clancy…. Read more »