Category: LOCAL NEWS

“Here, I’ll Give You A Tax Cut If You Promise Not To Moan About Homelessness”

THE Taoiseach has begun indicating through the official arm of the government’s communications department, known locally as the media, that it is his intention to bestow upon middle income earners a tax break in exchange for a reduction in the number of people caring about real solutions to homelessness and the housing crisis. “We’re not… Read more »

Luas Knocked Off Tracks By Lad On Bicycle

CALLS have been made to Luas drivers to show caution when in the vicinity of cyclists, after yet another tram was shouldered off its tracks after colliding with a lad on a 10-speed racer during rush hour this morning. Despite common sense dictating that a 43m-long tram carrying 300 passengers has no chance of surviving… Read more »

Cost Of Rental Deposits Capped At One Kidney

THE GOVERNMENT has stepped up its efforts to help people struggling in the rental market, by imposing a cap on the maximum amount that landlords can demand for a security deposit. The reforms will see people in rent pressure zones such as cities giving just a single viable kidney as a security deposit, as opposed to… Read more »

How Mayo CAN Beat Dublin This Sunday

WHILE many GAA pundits have already handed over the Sam Maguire to Dublin for the next 25 years in a row, we here inside the WWN Sports Zone Centre HQ (WWNSZCHQ) have devised the perfect tactics for Mayo which would see them end the dreaded curse. WWNSZCHQ acknowledges that a Mayo victory would rank alongside… Read more »

RTÉ Launch “Ireland’s Next Top Garda”

THE hunt for the new Garda Commissioner is to be televised on RTÉ later this Autumn, in a glitzy reality-based TV extravaganza that will sift through hundreds of applicants in a bid to find ‘Ireland’s Next Top Garda’. To be hosted by either Katherine Thomas or possibly Nicky Byrne, INTG will feature an initial station-by-station search,… Read more »

Man Cheats Death After Noticing Mold On Slice Pan

A LISMORE man is counting his lucky stars after coming within inches of killing himself earlier today in his kitchen, WWN can reveal. Geoff Higgins, a 32-year-old IT consultant, was preparing his breakfast just like any other morning only to feel the eery hand of Death brush against him. “Coffee, banana, toast with several clumps… Read more »