Category: LOCAL NEWS

Seeing Snow & Not Losing Your Shit, A Guide

WITH reports of snowfall hitting areas of the country today, bringing further reports of grown adults ‘completely losing their shit’, WWN has taken upon itself to provide readers with a guide to remaining calm in the face of white stuff falling from the sky. Relax It’s important to breathe in and out in a normal… Read more »

McGuinness To Receive Two Separate Obituaries

TWO entirely separate obituaries are to be written for former Northern Ireland Deputy First Minister/terrorist Martin McGuinness, who passed away early this morning at the age of 66. McGuinness’ death, alleged by some hardline Unionists to have been ‘politically motivated’, has sparked fresh debate among sections of the North who still need clarification as to… Read more »

Local Art Head Already Preparing For Paddy’s Day 2018

ALTHOUGH many of us are still nursing sore heads from last Friday’s St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, one local arts graduate is already hard at work preparing for next year’s parade, which will feature floats and displays that he has handcrafted himself over 12 months of job-free spare time. Malcolm Og McCionaith-Ward, 36, will keep up… Read more »

“I’ve Gone Virus!”

AN UNDERSTANDBLY delighted Taoiseach returned to Ireland from his trip to the US last week, declaring to the cabinet, opposition parties and the Irish public that he has gone virus, WWN can reveal. At an emergency meeting of the cabinet, called for purposes of a piss up, a visibly moved Enda Kenny explained how a… Read more »