Category: LOCAL NEWS

Calls For Emergency Aid As Distraught Mayo Family Lose Patio Chair In Hurricane Gonzalo

HURRICANE survivors, the Mooney family, are calling on the government for emergency aid after one of their patio chairs was swept away in last night’s storm, leaving them with an “odd numbered patio set” in their back garden today. Michael (27) and Patricia Mooney (25) were left “devastated” following the discovery early this morning. “We… Read more »

Hurricane To Bring Strong Winds, Rain & Excuse To Moan About Everything

THE blustery and rain-soaked aftermath of Hurricane Gonzalo is fast approaching Irish shores, giving dour and negative people the perfect excuse to moan about everything. Sustained winds and unrelenting rain will provide some people with a thinly veiled an opportunity to shoehorn in any grievances they currently have into conversations about the weather, despite having… Read more »

Waterford Wins 2014 Snidey Towns Award

WATERFORD city has today been named Snidey Towns winner 2014, beating competition from 849 towns and villages across the country. Minister for the Environment Alan Kelly presented the prize to the city mayor in front of a sneering crowd in John Roberts square today, where he congratulated the “worthy winners” on a fantastic achievement. “This is a fantastic news for the people… Read more »

Keyboard Water Protester Can’t Make The March Tomorrow ‘Cause He’s Busy Doing Something’

UNEMPLOYED keyboard activist Danny Kent said today he will not be able to attend tomorrow’s demonstration against water charges in Dublin because he’s “busy doing something”. Two of the country’s largest trade unions, Unite and Mandate, are organising the march which will take place in the City Centre. “Ah yeah, I had something planned ages ago, so I… Read more »

Back Alley Plastic Surgeons Now Offering ‘Blur Face’ Procedure For Criminals

ROGUE medical students in Dublin trying to support themselves through university are now offering back alley procedures to career criminals wishing to hide their identities, it has been revealed today. Face blurring, a technique first developed in Mexico, involves removing 90% of the patient’s facial features and can cost up to €10,000 per operation. Since… Read more »