Category: LOCAL NEWS

Impending Global Recession Nothing To Worry About, Government Reassures

WITH sweat relentlessly dripping from his brow and forming an unsightly puddle at his feet, Taoiseach Enda Kenny reassured the Irish public that the continued slump in international stock markets and growing financial volatility is nothing to worry about. Flanked by the minister for finance, who was visibly weeping, Kenny stumbled through a speech to… Read more »

Government Hike Trinity Sexual Consent Class Fees

THERE was further woe for cash-strapped students today, after the government announced that it would be imposing extra tuition fees on colleges that were holding sexual consent workshops such as the one recently announced for Trinity College freshers. The classes, which are compulsory for all new TCD students, are modelled after a similar scheme in… Read more »

Plane Diverts To Shannon For The Craic

AIRPORT authorities in Shannon have uncovered a complicated conspiracy amongst commercial airplane pilots which has seen a record number of planes diverted to the airport ‘just for the craic’. Under heavy questioning from airport police BA pilot Colin Markum admitted that he forced his plane into an emergency diversion just for the craic and not… Read more »