Category: LOCAL NEWS

Irish Man To Spend Entire Day Masturbating To Pornsites In Celebration Of Internets 25th Birthday

NATIONAL UNIVERSITY of Ireland student Kenneth Hackett has pledged to spend the entire day masturbating to various different pornsites in celebration of the Internets 25th birthday today. Mr. Hackett told fellow classmates that he will begin his wankfest shortly after 10am, before continuing right on into the lunchtime period. There he is expected to take… Read more »

Revenue Proposes Tax On Birthday Card Money

REVENUE has proposed a nationwide tax on all Birthday and Christmas card monies given to people as gifts, in a bid to clamp down on absolutely everything they can possibly think of. In a written statement today the government tax department said all donations must be accounted for, even if they are personal donations from… Read more »

Two Men Arrested For Improving Train Journey

Passengers were reportedly shocked and disturbed by the events that resulted in their journey on the Iarnród Éireann service from Longford to Dublin being massively improved. Two men are now believed to be custody following their attempts at enhancing the experience of passengers on the 5.40am train by pulling on the emergency break chord and… Read more »

Hilarious Facebook User Quotes Father Ted Again

AFTER FOURTEEN likes from complete strangers, Facebook user Mark Holden patted himself on the back again for writing yet another perfectly timed Father Ted quote on a comments thread. The 28-year-old funny man immediately swooped in to action after a local news page reported of gunshots being fired in the Ukrainian standoff in Crimea. “I… Read more »