Category: LOCAL NEWS

Galway Dolphins Take To Land Killing 24 People

FOLLOWING on from swimmers being assaulted by dolphins in the Salthill area of Galway yesterday comes the devastating news that angry and aggressive dolphins have taken to Galway mainland killing as many as 24 people. “I wish I could say that after killing these pensioners the dolphins didn’t have the presence of mind to rifle… Read more »

Mom On School Run To Park Wherever The Fuck She Likes

A COUNTY Waterford mother declared today that she can park wherever the fuck she likes when collecting her son from school. Geraldine Mackey, from Hillview in the city, made the decision quite some time ago when her “precious little boy” Fiachra complained of being tired after walking some distance to school one morning. “I think… Read more »

Dublin Man To Celebrate Arthur’s Day Regardless

DUBLIN city native Derek Connors vowed today to celebrate Arthur’s Day regardless of it not being on this year. The devote Guinness enthusiast told friends and family he will begin his celebration early tomorrow afternoon before the GAA hurling final in Croke Park, even though the brewer cancelled the prestigious event earlier this year. “Someone… Read more »

Gardai To Keep Bale Of Coke For The Christmas Party

GARDAI and Navy personnel responsible for a massive drug bust off the coast of County Cork are expected to “split” a bale of cocaine between them for the up-and-coming Christmas party in December, it has been revealed earlier. The cargo of drugs with a street value of €88m was found on board a 60ft yacht after it… Read more »

More People Refusing To Die Due To High Funeral Costs

FOLLOWING on from comments made by Tanaiste Joan Burton last week about the rising costs of funerals in Dublin comes some disturbing news. WWN can exclusively report that many Irish people are simply refusing the die due to the high costs associated with dying and subsequently being buried in Dublin. When at death’s door, a… Read more »

‘Unique’ New Town Festival Just A Bunch Of Food Stalls And Shit, Finds Local Man

TENS of revellers left the comfort of their homes this weekend to attend what organisers promised to be a ‘spectacular and unique’ new festival for all the family in Portlaw, Co. Waterford. The first annual ‘Town Festival’, which spans over three days from the 19th – 21st of September, showcased everything the locality had to offer – foreign run… Read more »