Category: LOCAL NEWS

Fianna Fáil Call For Reversal Of Cuts They Caused

FIANNA Fáil have bravely rounded on the inept Fine Gael led government to demand that they reverse the swingeing cuts visited upon the Irish people largely because of Fianna Fáil. After falling asleep at the wheel while governing recklessly, the party incurred a lifetime ban from governing the country, however, Fianna Fáil has impressed many… Read more »

Cycle Lanes To Be Renamed ‘Extra Footpath’

COUNTY and city council services have begun the process of removing the ‘cycle’ symbol from cycle paths around the country, after it became apparent that most cyclists prefer to stay out on the road instead of on the path specially designed and built for them. What is currently referred to as a cycle lane will… Read more »

GAA Confirms Dublin V Mayo Will Be Best Of 7

THE GAA has confirmed that this year’s All Ireland final will be a best of 7 contest, WWN has learned. “Oh, did we not mention that before?” Chief Replay Strategist Officer at the GAA, Micheál Ó Moola confirmed shortly after the end of the absorbing All Ireland final between Dublin and Mayo. “That will be… Read more »

5 Best Furrows In Ploughing History

WITH the 2016 Ploughing Championships just about to get underway in Tullamore, Offaly is about to be awash with thousands of agricultural experts who expect to see nothing less than the absolute peak of ploughing ability; Man and machine coming together to carve up the straightest, neatest, sexiest furrows the earth has ever seen. But this year’s… Read more »

Dunnes Stores To Open ‘Notions’ Aisle

RENOVATIONS have begun at branches of Dunnes Stores across the country, in a bid to install new aisles selling products with notions. Dunnes has been on the receiving end of serious notions in recent times, in an attempt to change their image as ‘a slightly nicer Penneys’ to one more along the lines of ‘a way… Read more »

Gerry Adams Confirms He Will Retire In 2116

SENIOR Sinn Féin figures are scrambling to enact their ‘Sinn Féin without Gerry’ emergency protocols after Gerry Adams confirmed his intention to retire shortly. Taking a hammer to ‘break in case of emergency’ glass seconds after learning of the news, Mary Lou McDonald reached for an ancient scroll, written by Gerry Adams in the late… Read more »