Category: SPORT

White Footballs Banned Over ‘Racist’ Fears

A PREMIER League Inquiry into racism has found that white footballs come across as racist to black players and have banned their use indefinitely. The English Football Association  last night announced it was suspending all games until further notice, raising fears about the future of the game. It is expected the move could cost clubs millions… Read more »

Trapattoni Translator Manuela Spinelli To Play Midfield Against Germany Tomorrow

GIOVANNI Trapattoni  has handed a midfield position to personal translator Manuela Spinelli against World Cup semi-finalists Germany tomorrow. Ireland’s most famous translator will line-up as part of  a two-man, one woman midfield trio of Keith Andrews and James McCarthy, with herself on the wing nearest to the managerial box. It is believed the Italian language experts main role will be… Read more »

Cody: ‘I Will Stomp A kitten For Every Point We Concede’

KILKENNY hurling manager Brian Cody has threatened his team by promising to kill a kitten for every point they concede in today’s all-ireland final Cody, a descendant of Fionn mac Cumhaill, warned his players of the consequences of sloppy defending in a training session last night. One player quoted him as saying: “Its true what… Read more »

Ireland ‘Grand Now’ After Woman Beats Up Other Woman

EVERYONE in Ireland was said to be ‘grand now’ after fellow country woman Katie Taylor bet up a Russian female counterpart in London yesterday afternoon. Hundreds of thousands of Irish supporters gathered in front of television sets across the world to witness the beat-down live from the ExCeL arena. The 26-year-old fighter lifted the spirits of… Read more »

Dalglish: ‘Liverpool Are Fucking Shit Anyway’

SACKED Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish told a press conference today that he is absolutely delighted at the clubs decision to fire him and said  ‘Liverpool are fucking shit anyway’. After 18 months at the reigns, Dalglish paid the price for the teams poor league performance, during which time he lost the faith of the premier league sides… Read more »

Vatican Makes Bid For Rangers FC

THE VATICAN has made a dramatic bid to buy Rangers FC debt in return for a total conversion to Catholicism and a 100% share in future earnings. Senior members of the Holy See travelled to Glasgow last night for talks with owner Craig Whyte and other members of the 140 year-old football club. Sources told WWN… Read more »