Category: SPORT

Fact: ‘Tyrone Didn’t Want To Win The Sam Anyway’

YESTERDAY’S action in Croke Park saw a triumphant Mayo team march toward the All Ireland football final while the losers, Tyrone insisted they had no desire to progress. In a carefully assembled press release Tyrone sited several instances where Tyrone were in fact the team with the least desire to reach the final. Tyrone’s manager… Read more »

Wenger Admits To Fear Of Money Phobia

Arsene Wenger was besieged with questions about Arsenal’s prospective transfer targets in the build up to this evening’s crunch European tie against Fenerbahce. As he resolutely defended his record on nourishing young talent Wenger made an astonishing admission. The Frenchman, 63, has chrometophobia otherwise known as a fear of money. Despite obtaining a degree in… Read more »

Russia Deny Claims World Championships Look FAB-U-LOUS!

RUSSIAN PREMIER Vladimir Putin has stoutly rejected claims that despite every effort to suppress so-called ‘homosexual propaganda’, the 2014 World Championships have actually turned out to be a flamboyant and excessive display that bares all the hallmarks of being organised by members of the gay community. In an exclusive interview with WWN’s roving reporter and… Read more »

Rooney Takes Out Restraining Order Against Sky Sports News

THE ANGRY and confused Man United player Wayne Rooney has had to take drastic action following a number of disturbing encounters with several Sky Sports News staff members. Speculation about Rooney’s future has increased yet again since Chelsea made a second bid for the want away striker and it is believed he has been left… Read more »

Everyone Doing ‘The Heffernan’ On The Way To Work

THE NATION has been engulfed in a walking frenzy following a landmark day in Irish sport. Newly crowned World champion Rob Heffernan walked to victory in a steely display and in doing so has gained a gold medal and a place in the history books. This achievement has not gone unnoticed by a proud and… Read more »

Man United To Bid For 347 Central Midfielders In The Next 24 Hours

COMMUNITY SHIELD victors Manchester United are to step up their chase for a midfielder, any midfielder, by placing bids on almost every professional footballer that is not already at the club. Rumours circulating in the press suggest Moyes has taken to printing off a list of names, closing his eyes and then just randomly plonking… Read more »

Men To Ignore Women Again Now That The Premiership Is Back

WOMEN the length and breath of the country will be outright ignored by the male population now that they can go back to watching millionaires chase a ball. During the Summer months many women found themselves to be right at the centre of male attention but now face the reality that this focus will wane…. Read more »