Category: SPORT

Vatican Makes Bid For Rangers FC

THE VATICAN has made a dramatic bid to buy Rangers FC debt in return for a total conversion to Catholicism and a 100% share in future earnings. Senior members of the Holy See travelled to Glasgow last night for talks with owner Craig Whyte and other members of the 140 year-old football club. Sources told WWN… Read more »

‘We Only Cycle To Annoy Other Road Users’ Admits Cyclist

A COUNTY Waterford cyclist has admitted today that the only reason he travels from A to B is to annoy other road users. Michael Power explained that the majority of cyclists across the country have been conspiring against motorists for years. When asked why he does it he replied: “It’s fun I suppose. I just love cycling… Read more »

Estonians Celebrate After Drawing Ireland In Euro 2012 Play-Off

THOUSANDS of Estonian football fans swarmed the streets of Tallinn in celebration of the Euro 2012 play-off draw against Ireland,  which was announced in The Sheraton Hotel, Krakow yesterday afternoon. People young and old were said to be dancing and chanting football related slogans in the capitals main square around 6pm. Manager Tarmo Ruutli said “We are all just… Read more »

Robbie Keane Secures Place In LA Galaxy Retirement Home For Footballers

IRELAND CAPTAIN Robbie Keane has confirmed rumors of his retirement by signing to US football team LA Galaxy yesterday. The move comes after months of speculation he was hanging up his boots after he was spotted looking at LA Galaxy retirement brochures by his fellow Tottenham team mates. “We just came into the dressing room… Read more »

UK To Set Up Cheating Footballer Offenders Register

THE United Kingdom is to set up a register of professional footballing love cheats to allow the government keep a closer watch on their movements. The CFO register will operate on the same basis as the current sex offenders register and adulterers will be obliged to inform police of a change in relationship status or… Read more »

Kilkenny Hurler ‘Put Down’ After Snapping Cruciate Ligaments

KILKENNY hurling manager, Brian Cody, suffered one of his biggest set backs in his 12 years reign at the county club yesterday when one of his top players snapped his cruciate ligaments in training and had to be destroyed on the spot. Tommy Walsh injured himself whilst jumping over the north end crossbar during a training session… Read more »

Miami Wins Right To Host The 2012 Obese Olympic Games.

Finally, America gets an Olympics. It has been announced that the 2012 Obese Games will be taking place in Miami, Florida. In a vote of high drama and nervous eating, the bustling American city of beaches, Disneyland resorts and fat retired old people, beat 17 other cities around the world for the opening of the… Read more »