Category: POLITICS

Cameron Stays Off Twitter To Avoid Syrian Wars Spoilers

BRITISH Prime Minister David Cameron is sticking to a self-imposed social media blackout in a bid to avoid reading any spoilers about the British involvement in the current conflict in Syria. Cameron gets daily briefings on airstrike’s and death tolls at midday, and has stated that he loves going into these meetings with no prior… Read more »

Mr. And Mrs. Soap Apologise For Financial Crisis

THE Soap family have come forward and begged for forgiveness during an emotional press conference where they accepted sole responsibility for the catastrophic financial crash which crippled Ireland and plunged the Nation into years of austerity. After being outed by former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern in a BBC Radio 4 interview, Joe and Mary Soap admitted… Read more »

Awkward Scenes As Kenny Draws Varadkar For Secret Santa

THE annual Dáil ‘Kris Kringle’ draw has once again proved to be a source of inter-party controversy for the Fine Gael/Labour coalition, after Taoiseach Enda Kenny ended up as secret Santa to the Minister for Health, Leo Varadkar. The pair have clashed over issues ranging from abortion to budget restrictions several times over the past… Read more »

Fine Gael Disgusted Party Member Only Asked For £10k

TAOISEACH Enda Kenny said he was shocked and disgusted at former party member Hugh McElvaney who “only asked for £10,000” during an RTÉ investigation into political corruption. Speaking outside Leinster House today, Mr. Kenny said the sum of money asked by Councillor McElvaney was very low and unusual for someone in his position of power. “This is not just an insult… Read more »

Dáil Printer Refuses To Print Banking Inquiry Report

A PRINTER used by various Dáil committees has sensationally refused to print the Banking Inquiry report, seemingly aligning itself with Banking Inquiry members Joe Higgins and Pearse Doherty, resulting in accusations from other members of the inquiry of political bias. The HP Officejet Pro X was tasked with printing of the 450 page report, which… Read more »

Cameron’s Erection Now Entering 12th Hour

PHYSICIANS at a top hospital in central London have injected David Cameron with a series of muscle-relaxing drugs, aimed at subsiding the prime minister’s throbbing erection which has lasted for over twelve hours. Cameron first sprouted the intense erection minutes after the House Of Commons voted by a significant majority to engage in airstrike’s against… Read more »