Category: POLITICS

Mick Wallace To Use leader’s Allowance To Research lodging Money Into Mick Wallace Bank Account

INDEPENDENT TD Mick Wallace has defended his acceptance of the ‘Leader’s Allowance’ given to Independent TDs in the Dáil, saying he will only use it for research on how to lodge money into Mick Wallace bank accounts. In a strongly-worded statement on his official government platform –  Facebook, Wallace said he needs to learn for himself how… Read more »

“Those Crusty Irish Bastards Really Got Us By The Balls Now!” Admits Shell CEO

SHELL CEO Peter Voser admitted today that the shell-to-sea protesters have really got the multinational oil and gas company by the balls after a truck carrying drilling equipment for the Corrib project got stuck on a road yesterday. The worlds largest oil company was said to be on the verge of collapse following the incident, according to demonstrators at the scene. Mr. Voser… Read more »

Vatican Strikes D’Arcy Family Name From Church Register

THE VATICAN have announced today that anyone with the family name ‘D’Arcy’ will be stricken from all Catholic church records until further notice. Speaking from his safe-house in Rome today,  Pope Benedict BMW X5 said that the decision to ban the name from the register came after numerous attempts to silence both the Irish broadcaster, Ray Darcy, and… Read more »

‘My Work Here Is Done’ Says Fornication TD Before Dramatically Ascending Back Into Heaven

FINE GAEL TD Michelle Mulherin dramatically ascended back into heaven this morning in front of hundreds of spectators claiming that her ‘work here was done’. The single forty-year-old explained to mere mortals yesterday that sex between an unmarried  male and a female was the biggest cause of unwanted pregnancy in Ireland. She caused heated debate with her use of… Read more »

Government: New Water Meters To Include ‘Draw Something’ App For First Million Customers

THE GOVERNMENT announced today that all new water meters will include a ‘draw something’ app for the first one million lucky customers. Taoiseach Enda Kenny unveiled a prototype version of the new water measuring device this afternoon which has a circular 5 inch touch-screen display unit mounted on its head. The free gaming application will work in conjunction with the meters main goal… Read more »

Government Facing Shortage Of New Tax Ideas To Piss People Off With

THE GOVERNMENT announced today that it is now facing a shortage of new tax ideas to piss people off with. Ministerial departments converged in a crisis meeting yesterday evening after shocking figures were released on how many home-owners actually paid the household charge. Environment minister Phil Hogan told WWN today that the household charge was the governments… Read more »