Category: POLITICS

America Declared A Warzone

NATO have announced that the United States Of America is now officially an active warzone, after finally clocking up enough violent attacks, senseless killings and active combatants to qualify. America made the leap from “rough in places” to “dodgy enough” several years ago following the popularisation of mass shootings among the gun-wielding population, and has… Read more »

The Queen Growing Out Her Cocaine Nail

SETTING ASIDE a lifetime of trying to preserve Britain’s air of dignity, Queen Elizabeth II is finally dropping the repressed facade of impartial poise, grace and restraint in favour of growing out her coke nail. “The Union is disintegrating. C’mon, the fucking PM thinks he’s the King and can force through a no-deal Brexit even… Read more »

“Oh Please Not More Tarrifs, You’re Really Tickling Us” – Xi Jinping

CHINESE President Xi Jinping has called on the United States to stop imposing new tarrifs on all Chinese goods, stating that it’s starting to tickle the nation and making everyone laugh. Chuckling to himself at an official press conference, the 66-year-old general secretary of the Communist Party of China struggled to hold back tears of laughter as… Read more »

The Tusla Guide To Irish Creches

AS MANY as 37 creche facilities are on the highest level of risk on Tusla’s risk register, according to information divulged by Tusla officials before a Joint Oireachtas Committee on Children and Youth Affairs. What does this mean? It means all 37 creches are still operating as normal, completely uninterrupted and free to carry doing… Read more »

Johnson Announces £2.1bn Irish Reunification Funding

CASUALLY referred to by his government as a ‘£2.1 billion No Deal and hard border funding package’, the measures contained in Boris Johnson’s plans for Irish Reunification have been met with universal praise by those who advocate for a United Ireland. While the British media was busy confirming that communist Taoiseach Leo Varadkar was in… Read more »