RELATIVES of former church minister and politician, Ian Paisley, confirmed today that he is ‘still not dead’. The 86-year-old is said to be alive and well after suffering from acute heart problems this time last year. A statement on behalf of his wife, Baroness Paisley said: “He’s been alive now for ages and doesn’t look like he’s going… Read more »
THE GOVERNMENT insisted earlier that elderly people who come under attack in their homes will just have to ‘man the fuck up’ and deal with the problem internally. The statement comes just hours after a decision to halve the budget for providing personal security alarms to OAPs. Justice Minister Alan Shatter told Waterford Whispers News… Read more »
IRISH leaders have boldly written off all debts owed by the country to the European Union after taking the office of presidency yesterday. Taoiseach Enda Kenny and Labour leader Eamon Gilmore announced their decision to ‘wipe the slate clean’ during a brief press conference in Brussels. “We have looked at the books and have decided… Read more »
THE GOVERNMENT has warned home owners, who refuse to pay property tax, that they will take their children hostage until it is paid in full. Taxmen will have the power to hold children for as long as it takes for people to cough up the ransom demand. This is in addition to new powers announced last… Read more »
T THE MINISTER for Finance Michael Noonan announced today that the government will not be holding a budget on the 5th December due to budget cuts in the Finance departments budget — proving that not even they can escape cutbacks. The unorthodox decision was passed by Fine Gael in an emergency meeting held in Dail Eireann… Read more »
TAOISEACH Enda Kenny said today there is a need to bring “legal clarity’’ to the claims that the world is round, and not flat as previously thought by the Irish government. The Fine Gael leader brought up the theory in the Lord and ladies chamber in the Dáil this morning, after numerous calls were sent in from… Read more »
TAOISEACH Enda Kenny today insisted that the Government will stop at nothing to do nothing for Waterford. The oldest city in Ireland came under increasing focus as the Government prepares to implement an emergency plan to do absolutely nothing about the Deise’s high unemployment rate and its proposed downgrading to a level 3 ghost town. Mr Kenny told… Read more »
John Anthony Connors will travel to Brussels on Wednesday where he will meet German Chancellor Angela Merkell for ‘talks’.IN a last ditch effort to relieve Ireland’s massive banking debt, the government have decided to send a traveller carpet salesman to renegotiate deal terms with the EU. The Wexford based traveller, who has 44 years experience… Read more »
THE MINISTER for the Environment Phil Hogan announced today that Waterford ‘town’ council is to be out-sourced to India in a radical new overhaul by the state. The cost-cutting plan will see a full transfer of all administrations to a small team of customer service operators based in the city of Mumbai, India. As a result of the cut,… Read more »
EVERYBODY confirmed today that Dr. James Reilly is ‘being a proper fucking cunt’, in wake of recent revelations about the Health Minister. Waterford Whispers News can reveal the whole country agrees that the snaky corrupt shitbag should hand in his letter of resignation to the Dáil as of yesterday, before he is made do so by an angry… Read more »