Category: POLITICS

Taoiseach ‘Surprised’ To Hear He Has The Competence Level Of A Paraplegic Sloth

LEO Varadkar may be Taoiseach, but a new report into his current level of capabilities shows that he has the competence level of a paraplegic sloth, WWN can confirm. The Taoiseach was one of several high-profile politicians who had their competence levels calculated as part of RTÉ’s flagship health show ‘Operation Politician’, with Minister for Health Simon Harris,… Read more »

“Fuck The Nurses,” Clarifies Government

REMOVING any ambiguity from recent comments made in public, to the Dáil, in the media and said privately when they think no one is listening, the Government have helpfully clarified for the public ‘fuck the nurses’, WWN can reveal. As separate strike actions from midwives and psychiatric nurses remain ongoing, the government has tried to… Read more »

Government Confirm Intention To Use Brexit As Excuse For Everything

WITH PROGNOSES about the Irish economy post-Brexit being made by over 12,000 economists, some positive, some negative, the Irish government has confirmed it will be blaming all future policy decisions and shortcomings on Brexit regardless. Brexit will officially take over from the 2008 Banking Crisis as the go-to excuse for absolutely everything sometime after March… Read more »

Trump Imposes Sanctions On Vuvuzelas

SHOUTING down a number of his most experienced White House aides and advisers, US president Donald Trump has reaffirmed his intention to impose sanctions on vuvuzelas. Decisive action by the president will see the nuisance drone-like noise-making plastic horns face a number of onerous sanctions which would cripple its economy were it not just a… Read more »

Brits Fucking Deaf Or Something

APPROXIMATELY 51.9% of the British population are to be booked in for hearing tests over the next 57 days or so, in a bid to see if they’re wilfully ignoring the facts about Brexit or if they’re actually just legally deaf. The tests come following significant evidence that suggests that people who are still advocates… Read more »