Category: LIFESTYLE


Death Of Young Woman Even More Tragic Now That She Was ‘A Fine Thing’

THE untimely death of 21-year-old Jessica Harris last Tuesday evening was said to be even ‘more tragic now’ after images released by her family reveal what an absolute ‘fine thing’ she really was. Thousands of people across the country have swamped national newspapers and internet forums with condolence letters and comments voicing their absolute disgust at the… Read more »

Annoying Bastard Ice-Cream Van Guy ‘Taking The Absolute Piss Now’, Says Everybody

EVERYBODY living in housing estates across the country have claimed the annoying bastard ice-cream van guy is just ‘taking the absolute piss now’, it has emerged this week. Hundreds of thousands of people have slammed the ill-timing and general existence of the truck drivers, claiming ‘they only drive around to annoy residents who just sat down from work.’ More… Read more »

Drinking Coffee Makes You Live Longer Until We Change Our Minds Again, Say Researchers

PEOPLE who drink coffee live longer than non-drinkers, but researchers may change their minds again next week, a special report into the hot drink claimed today. Scientists found that compared with people who did not drink coffee, subjects who consumed large amounts of coffee were definitely living longer than the other ones they looked at a while… Read more »

Theory on ‘Invisible’ Dark Matter Which Holds Universe Together Is ‘Absolute fairytale’, Says Pope

THE POPE has laughed-off sciences latest theory on ‘dark matter’, saying that the idea of an invisible force that holds the entire universe together is an ‘absolute fairytale’. The Holy see slammed the hypothesis earlier this week and asked people who believed in the idea to ‘get a reality check’. A spokesman for the Vatican told… Read more »

Vatican Strikes D’Arcy Family Name From Church Register

THE VATICAN have announced today that anyone with the family name ‘D’Arcy’ will be stricken from all Catholic church records until further notice. Speaking from his safe-house in Rome today,  Pope Benedict BMW X5 said that the decision to ban the name from the register came after numerous attempts to silence both the Irish broadcaster, Ray Darcy, and… Read more »

‘My Work Here Is Done’ Says Fornication TD Before Dramatically Ascending Back Into Heaven

FINE GAEL TD Michelle Mulherin dramatically ascended back into heaven this morning in front of hundreds of spectators claiming that her ‘work here was done’. The single forty-year-old explained to mere mortals yesterday that sex between an unmarried  male and a female was the biggest cause of unwanted pregnancy in Ireland. She caused heated debate with her use of… Read more »

Government: New Water Meters To Include ‘Draw Something’ App For First Million Customers

THE GOVERNMENT announced today that all new water meters will include a ‘draw something’ app for the first one million lucky customers. Taoiseach Enda Kenny unveiled a prototype version of the new water measuring device this afternoon which has a circular 5 inch touch-screen display unit mounted on its head. The free gaming application will work in conjunction with the meters main goal… Read more »