Category: Hororscopes

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Dance like nobody is watching all you want, we are all watching you and you look like a bollox. Taurus April 20 – May 20 That’s the dress you’re wearing to your sister’s wedding? Wow. Ok. We’re saying nothing. Gemini May 21 – June 20 They may only be… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will go to the chemist specifically to buy something to trim your eyebrows, which are starting to go full Scorsese. Taurus April 20 – May 20 A coworker will ask you how was your weekend, you should make up a lie right now so that you… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will break your record for most days in a row without a shower Taurus April 20 – May 20 Stroking a cat while sitting in a chair trying to look menacing is all well and good, but you’ve got to stop spelling out every detail of… Read more »

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Oh no, someone hacked your Twitter and posted a load of racist and misogynistic garbage! Don’t those hackers have anything better to do? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Having put up enough of a fight, you decide to pay your water charges. You’ve shown them who’s boss, no… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You progress from being a “social smoker” to just being a smoker. Who were you kidding, anyways? Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week, you go almost four straight days without hitting yourself in the balls with something. A new record! Gemini May 21 – June 20 No… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 I’m not normally one to judge but it may be time to stop referring to George Clooney as your ‘future husband’. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Is covering yourself in tomato ketchup for sexual gratification weird? Sure. But, at least you’re having some fun. Gemini May 21 –… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 “Drunk and disorderly”, like, how is that even a fucking crime? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Your love-life is still non-existent and your finances are in ruin, but at least you finally got that knot out of your headphones. Gemini May 21 – June 20 It’s OK to… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You do pretty well this week when playing along with Countdown. You should go on that show for real. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Uh Oh! Instead of conditioning your hair, you just shampooed it twice, and as such your dull, flat lifeless hair has pretty much ruined… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 It’s your wedding anniversary; 25 years today! You know, if you’d killed your spouse when you met them, you’d probably be out of jail right now! Ha ha! Ah, who are we kidding; you’d be out of jail for the past 20 years. This is Ireland. Taurus April 20… Read more »

WWN Horoscope

Aries March 21 – April 19 Control + C last week. Control + V: that’s this week. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Wait, what are you doing here? You died last week! Didn’t you? Hang on… oh, right, sorry. That’s this week. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Dude. Your Christmas lights. It’s fucking… Read more »