Category: Hororscopes

WWN Horoscopes

Horoscope - Use This One

Aries March 21 – April 19 You will receive excellent news this week, but don’t rush to announce it on Facebook; instead, announce that you have an announcement later in the week. Build anticipation. Milk that shit. Taurus April 20 – May 20 The appearance of Mars in Uranus is a joke that will never… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Horoscope - Use This One

Aries March 21 – April 19 A back massage would be lovely, but can you relax while naked in the company of a stranger? You are Irish, after all. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Don’t buy The Sun today, try and expand your mind. Buy The Star. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Your… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

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Aries March 21 – April 19 On your trip to America, you will meet a tall dark stranger, moments before cops shoot him. Taurus April 20 – May 20 The neighbour’s cat hates you. We thought it might be coincidence, the way he always stares you out of it, but no; he hates your guts…. Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

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Aries March 21 – April 19 Your nostril hair is getting out of hand now, you know it, I know it, Joanne in accounts knows it, yet you’re doing nothing about it. Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week that ninja assassin who was sent from the future to kill you calls, luckily for… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Horoscope - Use This One

Aries March 21 – April 19 Shite week ahead, best skip it. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Be true to yourself! And anyway, being successful in things is overrated Gemini May 21 – June 20 A grown adult man shouldn’t shit himself and yet here we are, at your niece’s christening and you’ve fucked… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Horoscope - Use This One

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you kill your nephew’s pet goldfish after trying to recreate a scene from Finding Nemo…well done. Taurus April 20 – May 20 The alien forces are this close to penetrating earth’s defences and you’re just sitting here stuck in some never-ending Netflix binge Gemini May 21 –… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

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Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will question why you ever spent that €23,000 on Pokemon memorabilia. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Love just isn’t on your side this week as 12 of your Tinder matches send you a total of 234 pictures of their penises. Gemini May 21 – June… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Horoscope - Use This One

Aries March 21 – April 19 Switching to a Paleolithic, gluten free, non-dairy diet will temporarily give you a sense of purpose in your otherwise shallow and meaningless life. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Take a chance and ask out that girl who’s on your train every morning! Statistics show that women find being… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Horoscope - Use This One

Aries March 21 – April 19 Your catalogue of character defects and deep-rooted issues will be swept away by reading a re-affirming horoscope, any day now. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Are you still here? Jesus, we thought you’d have taken the hint by now. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Now might be… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Horoscope - Use This One

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will mostly day dream about your movie idea about cowboys in space called Space Cowboys but instead of Indians there’s Martians. I’m sure it hasn’t been done before. Taurus April 20 – May 20 You’ll have a great laugh this week when you answer an anonymous… Read more »