Category: Hororscopes

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 It’s your wedding anniversary; 25 years today! You know, if you’d killed your spouse when you met them, you’d probably be out of jail right now! Ha ha! Ah, who are we kidding; you’d be out of jail for the past 20 years. This is Ireland. Taurus April 20… Read more »

WWN Horoscope

Aries March 21 – April 19 Control + C last week. Control + V: that’s this week. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Wait, what are you doing here? You died last week! Didn’t you? Hang on… oh, right, sorry. That’s this week. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Dude. Your Christmas lights. It’s fucking… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You finally accept that people don’t respect you because of the sheer amount of shite you talk all day, every day. Taurus April 20 – May 20 When you least expect it this week, you will be blasted in the face with an O’Neills football. It’s going to sting… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 We could tell you that trying to climb in the upstairs bedroom window of your girlfriend’s house while drunk is a foolish idea, but are you even going to listen to us, you mad horny bastard? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Your nemesis shows up for a battle… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will mistakenly reach for the glue, sticking your hand to your mickey. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Spending most of the day wishing Juarassic World was a reality is a great way to pass the time, but also indicative of the fact you have learned… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You will receive excellent news this week, but don’t rush to announce it on Facebook; instead, announce that you have an announcement later in the week. Build anticipation. Milk that shit. Taurus April 20 – May 20 The appearance of Mars in Uranus is a joke that will never… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 A back massage would be lovely, but can you relax while naked in the company of a stranger? You are Irish, after all. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Don’t buy The Sun today, try and expand your mind. Buy The Star. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Your… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 On your trip to America, you will meet a tall dark stranger, moments before cops shoot him. Taurus April 20 – May 20 The neighbour’s cat hates you. We thought it might be coincidence, the way he always stares you out of it, but no; he hates your guts…. Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Your nostril hair is getting out of hand now, you know it, I know it, Joanne in accounts knows it, yet you’re doing nothing about it. Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week that ninja assassin who was sent from the future to kill you calls, luckily for… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Shite week ahead, best skip it. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Be true to yourself! And anyway, being successful in things is overrated Gemini May 21 – June 20 A grown adult man shouldn’t shit himself and yet here we are, at your niece’s christening and you’ve fucked… Read more »