Category: Hororscopes

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You progress from being a “social smoker” to just being a smoker. Who were you kidding, anyways? Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week, you go almost four straight days without hitting yourself in the balls with something. A new record! Gemini May 21 – June 20 No… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 I’m not normally one to judge but it may be time to stop referring to George Clooney as your ‘future husband’. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Is covering yourself in tomato ketchup for sexual gratification weird? Sure. But, at least you’re having some fun. Gemini May 21 –… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 “Drunk and disorderly”, like, how is that even a fucking crime? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Your love-life is still non-existent and your finances are in ruin, but at least you finally got that knot out of your headphones. Gemini May 21 – June 20 It’s OK to… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You do pretty well this week when playing along with Countdown. You should go on that show for real. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Uh Oh! Instead of conditioning your hair, you just shampooed it twice, and as such your dull, flat lifeless hair has pretty much ruined… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 It’s your wedding anniversary; 25 years today! You know, if you’d killed your spouse when you met them, you’d probably be out of jail right now! Ha ha! Ah, who are we kidding; you’d be out of jail for the past 20 years. This is Ireland. Taurus April 20… Read more »

WWN Horoscope

Aries March 21 – April 19 Control + C last week. Control + V: that’s this week. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Wait, what are you doing here? You died last week! Didn’t you? Hang on… oh, right, sorry. That’s this week. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Dude. Your Christmas lights. It’s fucking… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You finally accept that people don’t respect you because of the sheer amount of shite you talk all day, every day. Taurus April 20 – May 20 When you least expect it this week, you will be blasted in the face with an O’Neills football. It’s going to sting… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 We could tell you that trying to climb in the upstairs bedroom window of your girlfriend’s house while drunk is a foolish idea, but are you even going to listen to us, you mad horny bastard? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Your nemesis shows up for a battle… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will mistakenly reach for the glue, sticking your hand to your mickey. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Spending most of the day wishing Juarassic World was a reality is a great way to pass the time, but also indicative of the fact you have learned… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You will receive excellent news this week, but don’t rush to announce it on Facebook; instead, announce that you have an announcement later in the week. Build anticipation. Milk that shit. Taurus April 20 – May 20 The appearance of Mars in Uranus is a joke that will never… Read more »