Category: Hororscopes

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You continue to take cocaine this week, even though it makes you nervous and in need of a crap every four minutes. Why do you bother? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Lots of bad shit happening for you this week. Why did your parents have you at this… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will mostly maintain that air of smug superiority you honestly haven’t earned. Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week you will consolidate all of your loans into one easy payment at just a 450% interest rate. Gemini May 21 – June 20 This week you and Leann… Read more »

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Dance like nobody is watching all you want, we are all watching you and you look like a bollox. Taurus April 20 – May 20 That’s the dress you’re wearing to your sister’s wedding? Wow. Ok. We’re saying nothing. Gemini May 21 – June 20 They may only be… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will go to the chemist specifically to buy something to trim your eyebrows, which are starting to go full Scorsese. Taurus April 20 – May 20 A coworker will ask you how was your weekend, you should make up a lie right now so that you… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will break your record for most days in a row without a shower Taurus April 20 – May 20 Stroking a cat while sitting in a chair trying to look menacing is all well and good, but you’ve got to stop spelling out every detail of… Read more »

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Oh no, someone hacked your Twitter and posted a load of racist and misogynistic garbage! Don’t those hackers have anything better to do? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Having put up enough of a fight, you decide to pay your water charges. You’ve shown them who’s boss, no… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You progress from being a “social smoker” to just being a smoker. Who were you kidding, anyways? Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week, you go almost four straight days without hitting yourself in the balls with something. A new record! Gemini May 21 – June 20 No… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 I’m not normally one to judge but it may be time to stop referring to George Clooney as your ‘future husband’. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Is covering yourself in tomato ketchup for sexual gratification weird? Sure. But, at least you’re having some fun. Gemini May 21 –… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 “Drunk and disorderly”, like, how is that even a fucking crime? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Your love-life is still non-existent and your finances are in ruin, but at least you finally got that knot out of your headphones. Gemini May 21 – June 20 It’s OK to… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You do pretty well this week when playing along with Countdown. You should go on that show for real. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Uh Oh! Instead of conditioning your hair, you just shampooed it twice, and as such your dull, flat lifeless hair has pretty much ruined… Read more »