Category: Hororscopes

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Oh shit, you forgot your wife’s birthday! And your anniversary! And your name! And where you live! This doesn’t look good. You may have a severe brain injury. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Are you serious with the skateboard? You’re a 30-year-old man. Gemini May 21 – June… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You will spend this week crashing from the Halloween Haribo bender you went on. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Quit looking around as if you don’t know where that smell is coming from. It’s coming from YOU. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Do you have 300 euro… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Hangovers, eh? They aren’t getting any easier. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Have you ever considered the priesthood? You might actually get the ride once in a while. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Your decision to not bother taking down your Christmas lights last year is about… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You look at a video on YouTube which simulates the effects of LSD, and now you really want some LSD. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Remember “Blue” by Eiffel 65? Well, it’s stuck in your head now. Gemini May 21 – June 20 You may have wasted your… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You realise there is nothing cheeky about a Nandos. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Is it too late to pursue your dreams? Yup. Sure is. Gemini May 21 – June 20 We’re not sure why, but your parasitic conjoined twin is really acting the bollocks this week. Cancer… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 You continue to take cocaine this week, even though it makes you nervous and in need of a crap every four minutes. Why do you bother? Taurus April 20 – May 20 Lots of bad shit happening for you this week. Why did your parents have you at this… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will mostly maintain that air of smug superiority you honestly haven’t earned. Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week you will consolidate all of your loans into one easy payment at just a 450% interest rate. Gemini May 21 – June 20 This week you and Leann… Read more »

Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Dance like nobody is watching all you want, we are all watching you and you look like a bollox. Taurus April 20 – May 20 That’s the dress you’re wearing to your sister’s wedding? Wow. Ok. We’re saying nothing. Gemini May 21 – June 20 They may only be… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will go to the chemist specifically to buy something to trim your eyebrows, which are starting to go full Scorsese. Taurus April 20 – May 20 A coworker will ask you how was your weekend, you should make up a lie right now so that you… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

19 horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will break your record for most days in a row without a shower Taurus April 20 – May 20 Stroking a cat while sitting in a chair trying to look menacing is all well and good, but you’ve got to stop spelling out every detail of… Read more »