Category: Hororscopes

WWN Horoscopes

Read on for your weekly dose of WWN horoscopes: Aries March 21 – April 19 You’ll be wanting to know about your life and how it will unfold in the coming days is it? Well, maybe I don’t want to tell you. You take me for granted sometimes, you know that? Taurus April 20 –… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

All you need to know is right here in this week’s WWN Horoscopes: Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will use the phrase ‘YOLO’ unironically. It is a low point. Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week you will remind yourself that despite all the bad things that have happened this… Read more »

WWN Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 This week, like all other weeks, you will wrestle with the forces of good and evil. Trying with all your might to succeed where others have failed. A momentous quest which pushes you to your very limit unfolds. Despite this, you will fail and choose a cheeky Chinese takeaway… Read more »

Horoscopes

Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week the stars have aligned to bring you a reasonably priced toaster. The long search is over thanks to Harvey Normans. Gemini May 21 – June 20 Saturn is having an awful fucking week up there so be prepared for chaos to reign down on your life, causing… Read more »

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Don’t listen to people who call you a monster. In the strict classical literature sense of the word, all monsters have redeeming qualities, but you don’t even feel a hint of remorse for your victims. Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week your next door neighbour will begin… Read more »

Horoscopes

Read below for all your horoscope needs. Aries March 21 – April 19 This week you will slowly become obsessed with chasing tennis balls, sniffing arses and shitting in public. Also, your ex-wife will stupidly put a curse on you in an attempt to turn you into a dog, fat chance of that happening. Taurus… Read more »

Horoscopes

  Aries March 21 – April 19 A deli-assistant will put the ham in last in your roll on Friday, triggering a psychotic episode where you leave twelve dead and forty four injured in one of the country’s most gruesome food related massacres. Taurus April 20 – May 20 This week you will discover that… Read more »

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 A tall, dark and handsome stranger will walk into that Cecilia Ahern novel you’ve been reading on your lunch breaks. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Jupiter and Mars align this week, meaning I need to appear as if I know what that fucking means, that’s why I included… Read more »

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Typing ‘how shallow is too shallow for a grave’ into Google this week will end up becoming a key part of your murder trial in the coming months. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Things are looking up socially as your brilliant status about the X-Factor this weekend marks… Read more »

Horoscopes

Aries March 21 – April 19 Your Halloween costume dilemma is solved this week when your car careers side-on into a truck. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Star signs are the least of your worries this week. Gemini May 21 – June 20 You will make it till four o clock today before finding… Read more »